- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
Drama, drama, drama. Where to begin? I’m from a large (5 kids, I’m 2nd in line) family where there is unfortunately a lot of sibling rivalry and childish behavior going on. My parents didn’t transition from being parents of kids to parents of adults very well. My parents are extremely traditional and didn’t accept the fact that I choose to go a different path than what they had envisioned for me. So needless to say, I’ve been deemed the “black sheep” simply because I make my decisions according to what I think is right for my life. I had hoped to be an example to my siblings that they should make decisions according to their own inner moral compass instead of relying solely on my parents to tell them where to go.
My little brother (4 years younger) wanted to move out of my parent’s house a year ago but didn’t have the money. So his girlfriend offered to have him move in with her at an apartment that her parents paid for. They had no problem with him moving in, but they had to tell my parents about it. My brother and his girlfriend decided to lie to both sets of parents. My brother told me and my brother-in-law about the decision and both of us said that it was their life but we didn’t think it was a good idea to lie. They paid no attention to our advice. The fact that they lied really bothered me.
I decided about 5 months ago to move in with my boyfriend for a variety of reasons. I dreaded the conversation, but I told my parents. They weren’t happy but there was little they could do since we’re adults. I guess my brother felt like my dad had “let me off too easy” when I told them about moving. So this goes to show my brother’s immaturity. He wants my dad to “punish” me for an adult decision I made. Mind you, I’ve been independent from my parents for 8 years, where my brother has never been independent, especially financially, from anyone.
My brother and his girlfriend got engaged about a month ago. They already have the wedding planned. She graduates college in the spring and didn’t think she could handle a wedding and school. Neither of them have ever managed their own money, have had to pay for any of the necessities or have had any real life experience. She has only held one part time job at a retail store. My brother is an assistant manager at a sort of fast-food chain. Neither of them know what is it to be an adult.
All of my family is really worried about them. They aren’t ready for marriage but seem to be diving in head-first without any regard to the rest of their lives. My brother mooches off everyone around him and his Fiance is an enabler by paying for everything with her parent’s money. Naturally I’m very concerned but I’m stuck because they won’t listen and I think they may just have to make this mistake.
Not only that, but my Fiance and I got engaged about 2 weeks ago. The weddings are within 2 months of each other. My brother’s Fiance is making it clear that she doesn’t like my family and making sure we aren’t included. I don’t really care because frankly, I don’t want to deal with her drama. But my sisters are upset and I don’t know how to handle it. I’d like to be able to enjoy my own wedding planning but with them constantly bringing up their wedding, I’m not sure how possible it is.
So I’m stuck. I really care about my brother but I realize that it is his life and they are going to do whatever they want. Natural consequences don’t discriminate – everyone must face the music at some point. I don’t want the drama seeping into my wedding though. So how do I express concern for my brother without my family dragging that drama back into my wedding? I’ve thought about politely saying that while we worried, we would rather not talk about it because of the drama it will cause. But I also want them to know that I share the concern. Any suggestions? And thanks for reading if you made it this far. I know I’m a little long-winded sometimes!