- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 2006
I am so upset! PuppyDad and I had an argument this morning, in front of my Mom who was visiting and right before PuppyDad had an interview for a big job opportunity. PD has forbidden my Aunt and one of my Cousins from ever visiting our house again, even for a couple of hours to have a family picnic. He feels that if I want them to come I should have the picnic elsewhere. I feel that my family should be allowed to visit my house. My Mother is mortified that we argued in front of her and that my husband is so unrelenting on this topic.
Some back story . . . There’s a lot of family drama associated with the Aunt because her parents loaned her so much money over the years because of her /her spouses poor budgeting skills that my Grandparents actually distributed much of their assets to their other children before they even died. They also wrote her out of their wills.
It was my grandmother’s dying wish. I know, as the eldest grandchild she asked me to make sure it happened, in case my grandfather couldn’t do it. It has forever fractured our family, but my Uncle and Mother take the blame and have never told my Aunt that we have all just been carrying out my Grandmother’s last wishes. Consequently Aunt has a lot of issues regarding her grief for her parents, how she was vicitmized, etc. Also Aunt’s children seem to think they are “rich” and continue to live off their parents, even though they are all 25-30 years old.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, PuppyDad is a self-made guy. He has been poor (when he first started working) and abused (emotionally & physically as a child) and has made himself a good life with me and his friends anyway. He has little tolerance for 50 year olds whining because they didn’t get their fair share of their parent’s assets and even less tolerance for 25-30 year olds who live off their parents. He cannot stand this Aunt and her offspring.
It doesn’t help that every time they come to our house, which he has worked every weeked for the last 3.5 years renovating, carefully painting, laying the pergo etc, this Aunt criticizes every thing we do. She tells us we will never sell the house in the colors we have chosen, and has said things like it’s “ugly” and “tacky”. She told me my husband is a man and therefore knows nothing about decorating or paint colors, so I should just refuse him sex until he does what I want! Then she insists on staying for days when she does show up, even though our house is “crappy” and only has one full bathroom and no cable TV about which she complains the entire time. Plus they sit around and expect me to wait on them hand and foot like this is their own personal B&B. When they are not visiting she calls between visits and either further insults our house, asks when we’re getting a divorce OR tris to pump me for information regarding my Granparents estate, which has been resolved for more than 7 years now.
The truth is, she used to criticize my grandparent’s house the same way. As well as my parent’s house. I didn’t realize it because I was a kid and it was one of those things “grownups” talked about behind closed doors. My Uncles’ wife did mention to me that there are reasons this Aunt is not invited to their house either, hinting that is was something along those same issues. PD has never said for me not to go to visit with this family or “forbidden” me from talking to them or anything, he has simply requested they not be in his home when he is there (he is fine if they come over when he’s away on business.)
Am I being unreasonable to want them to visit? Is PD being intolerant?
I should point out that they only want to visit when it suits them. They only want to visit at my house, I am rarely invited to theirs. Additionally they ALWAYS want to make it a multi-day trip, even though they live within driving distance. Also my aunt claims that this cousin must drive her as she is “scared” to drive where I live; my cousin claims she drives in this area all the time for other things.
I don’t want to argue with my husband and I am dangerously close to blowing up and telling my Aunt the truth of why her life is the way it is now (Hello, when you spend your whole paycheck on cruises and TVs and stuff instead of paying your mortgage and buying groceries, you get what is comeing to ya!) Suggestions Bees?