Post # 1
My FI and I have decided to have a very small wedding (under 40 guests) with just our immediate family, grandparents, and our closest friends. We were planning a 150 person wedding (still fairly small) with our extended family and friends. We decided to go small as our budget was doubling and it was quickly turning into a wedding about everyone else.
So, everything is fine a dandy, we will have money after the wedidng AND we will get to spend our day with our closest family and friends by our side! Here is the problem…FI’s family all lives here in town (my whole family is on the East coast). FMIL just mentioned that we should elope as FI’s extended family is upset that they won’t be invited. Really? I was just getting really excited about our small and simple DIY wedding!
This really upsets me. If we open up the ceremony invite to his extended family, then we have to open it up to mine. There is no way that I am inviting my family to a ceremony and not a reception after traveling to get here. Having my siblings and parents at our wedding is very important to me, so eloping is not an option.
Sorry for the vent. I just had to write it all out. I answered my own frustration by focusing on what WE want and not what his aunts and uncles want. This could make for some awkward family get-togethers, but I am willing to take it to hang on to our small wedding dream!
Post # 3
It seems like they are trying to snowball you no matter what you do – like you said in the original post, you cut the guest list to AVOID folding to everyone else’s vision of your wedding day. Stick to your guns; do what is comfortable to you and your FI. If immediate family is all you want there, then by all means only have immediate family.
Post # 4
Sweetie – it is your wedding. Your MIL already had her day. Also, keep in mind that if you set the precident for allowing her to run you over, that will only continue and get much worse when you get married. If you FI is not willing to speak to her and back up your plans, you should talk to her and thank her for her input, but nicely, yet firmly tell her that your plans are set and will not be changing.
Post # 5
Whether you elope or have your small wedding his extended family won’t be there, so it changes nothing for them, but does your FMIL get that if you elope SHE won’t be there either? Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face!
Stick to your guns and have the wedding that you want. Good luck!
Post # 6
Would it be an option to have a casual, not-wedding-reception get together with his family a week or two after the wedding to celebrate? Something like a backyard potluck bbq or other casual get together? Something to make them feel included and let them celebrate with you (stress no gifts) and not break the bank, or not actually host in a way that you have to pay for it?
Post # 7
Thank you for your kind words and well wishes. I had just gotten off the phone with FI and was frustrated. I just had to “type it out.” So thank you for reading! 🙂
@ddw: That is exactly what I mentioned to FI and his parents! I love that idea. If they want to throw us a celebration get-together, I am all for it. We may fly to Florida before heading to the Bahamas, so we could always get together with my extended family there as well! It seems perfect that way! 🙂