Post # 1
I am hoping some felow Bees will weigh in on this and please be honest.
I have asked my fiance’s sister to be a bridesmaid (I’m going to call her Denise). Neither of us have a sister, so it was important to me to include her. Denise is married and the relationship has been rocky lately. I don’t know all the details, I’ve been getting everything through the grapevine, but my fiance’s parents say Denise’s husband said he wanted a divorce and started all the trouble. My fiance’s parents also tend to overexaggerate and blow things way out of proportion. Denise took a 2 week trip to get some space from her husband and returned day before yesterday. They live near my soon to be Father and Mother in law. Apparently they went over there yesterday to return Denise’s dog, and an argument erupted between Father-in-law and Denise’s husband. Father-in-law is claiming Denise’s husband even threated to “kick his old ass.”
After all of this, father-in-law called my fiance and said we need to un-invite Denise’s husband to our wedding. I feel that this is a completely unfair request. I have no beef with Denise’s husband, and to me it would be extremely rude to un-invite anyone, let alone the husband of a bridesmaid. If father-in-law wants to tell Denise’s husband not to go, that’s fine with me, but I refuse to un-invite him myself. That is not my place and I’m not getting in the middle. Ettiquette says you invite married couples, especially the husband of a bridesmaid, so by still allowing him to come I am not taking sides and staying out of it, but by un-inviting him I am clearly taking a side.
Do you think I am right in how I feel about this? But then the flip side is, what if he does come and an argument starts at the wedding? I can’t even believe this is happening. Any advice is appreciated.
Post # 3
I would tell your FFIL that it’s up to Denise whether she brings her husband or not and that he should take it up with her. Tell him it’s improper etiquette to break up a social unit, and you’ve already invited him, so it’s out of your hands. Maybe she would prefer to leave him at home, anyway, and your FFIL and Denise can work it out themselves.
Post # 4
How does Denise (FI’s sister) feel about it? Does she want him uninvited?
Post # 5
Well I agree with your FI if Denise is the one that doesn’t want her husband there. I think you need to find out from Denise what’s going on and if she wants him there.
This is a case where you can uninvite someone. (ETA: if she doens’t want him there)
I would also say that you will end up taking sides – her husband is not your family if they divorce while she will always be your FI’s sister.
Post # 6
I should have mentioned, FFIL says Denise is saying she and her husband are going to try to work it out, so I am under the impression she still wants him invited. FI has not been able to get a hold of her, although I can’t say I’m surprised.
Post # 7
I think it’s up to Denise. If she’s uncomfortable with him being there is one thing. I’d sit them on the other side of the reception place from each other but you should talk to your FSIL.
Post # 8
Address the invite to both Denise and her husband and let them sort it out. They are both adults and you or your FFIL shouldn’t try to guess what they will think the best arrangement will be.
Post # 9
Well, your wedding is in October…. I would just wait and see. They may get back together or they may separate, anything can happen in a month….
Post # 10
Well if the husband really did threatend your FIs father then I would uninvite him. Why ask for drama at your wedding?
I doubt the husband would even want to attend.
Post # 11
You are absolutely right not to respond to your FIL’s demands. I would also not respond right now to Denise — her relationship with her husband is between them and private. Don’t jump the gun if they are trying to work things out and will play nice at your wedding. I wouldn’t do anything until closer to the wedding and only if it becomes absolutely necessary.
Post # 12
I would invite Denise’s husband. Denise is in the wedding party, and if they are really working things out I would say invite. If he wants to attend your wedding considering all the drama that is going on, the option is there. I think to uninvite him might cause more drama, and maybe create a void between you and your FI’s sister. Good luck!
Post # 13
Agreed. Leave it up to Denise.
If FFIL has an issue with the husband, that’s up to him to figure out. He can’t have you lash out at husband on his behalf.
Post # 14
I would leave it alone like you said. They are married, it’s not up to you to decide she shouldn’t bring them because of THEIR marital problems OR their issues with her parents. I would take the not getting in the middle stance, it’s her and her husbands decision wether he comes or not.
Post # 15
I think this is Denise’s call, and she should take it up with her father. You don’t need to be in the middle of their drama.
Post # 16
I would also leave it up to Denise. Just let her know that if something happens from now till then, to let you know if she decides not to bring him. You can easily have your venue remove a chair from the table.
Side note: where is Denise’s husband going to sit? Do you have a head table and plan on sitting him with FFIL? I hope not! Maybe tell FFIL that while Denise’s husband will attend, he will not be near them anyway?