Post # 1
I’m having a wedding in a few weeks and have begun to work on the seating chart. Anyone who has done this before knows it’s very difficult. My mother mentioned that she wanted to have some input on the seating chart and I have no problem with that so I told her it was fine. She has a rocky relationship with my father and hasn’t interacted with my stepmother in 20 years. This will be their first encounter. Things are too uncomfortable to seat them at the same table. Yesterday my mother asked me about where my sister would be sitting and I told her she would sit with my dad. I’m sure this clued her in that I had started working on the seating chart. I wanted to get it drafted and then show her my ideas. A few hours later I get an email telling me where her friends and family will sit. Each table accommodates 10 people. She has a total of 8 friends/family at table A and the remaining including herself at table B. This leaves two open seats at each table. It’s very difficult to find two people that know nobody else at the wedding to fit into the openings at her two tables. It splits people up that are friends and would want to sit together. Last night I emailed her saying I would like to talk about it. Then I reworked my entire seating chart and decided I could make her request work. Before I even heard back from her about my request to discuss it, I sent her another email telling her I thought her suggestion would work. This morning I get an email that says “It needs to be alright with you…”. This is very off-putting to me. I don’t understand why she even said it given I had told her she could have her way. She also fought with me about the seating at the ceremony. She didn’t want to sit in the same row as my father and stepmom. The problem is it’s a small wedding so I can’t reserve two rows for a total of five people. She finally agreed to sit in the same row. She called me a “bridezilla” because I wouldn’t let her pick the ceremony seating. I’m I crazy or should she be more open to working with me on the seating rather than making demands?
Post # 2
It sounds like you are giving an inch, and your mother is taking a mile. I would stop giving the inch. From this point forward, unless she is contribuing financially, the answer is “I have it handled,” and leave it at that.
Post # 3
Ferndel1981: I totally agree with the above poster – stop giving inches. I have similar issues with my mom, and the only thing that works is presenting everything as a done deal.
Post # 4
I would tell her that there is a vast difference between”some input” and “airtight”.
Post # 5
Sounds like her divorce was pretty bad, but it was a long time ago. Maybe you could tell her while you understand her feelings, that this is a one time deal, you’re not asking them to hold hands and sing happy songs together, it’s a few hours of her life. It must hurt her but you’ve been very thoughtful in your actions. You should let her know you reworked the seating chart, she might appreciate knowing you are doing what you can.
Post # 6
OP, I understand even with time- lots of time- divorced parents can still be really angry. My dad declined my wedding invite because he didn’t want to be around my mom. They had been divorced for 8 years at that point.
I would enlist your sibs and family as buffers. I ddon’t think its unreasonable to reserve specific seats at the ceremony. The closest seats to the aisle on the first two rows could be saved just for your parents. Other guests likely to take the remain I ngbseats on those rows would be your family anyway.
As long as you don’t seat your parents at the same table for the reception I don’t see what other request your mom needs to make. You know her fav fam and friends to round out her table.
I am curious why doesn’t your sister want to sit with her rather than your dad?
Post # 7
Do you have an exact number of people where every table has to have 10? If you have the extra space, just let those two tables have 8.
Post # 8
Ferndel1981: Honestly I didnt let anyone have any input in mine because its just too much to handle.
If theres 2 extra seats at each table is it possible to fit 2 from the friends table at your moms? then you have 4 seats open for say 2 couples who know eachother at the other one?I know what you mean sometimes its hard to find a “single couple” who wouldnt want at least someone they know to sit with.
Im not sure if you know these people personally but in the end just assign a couple from the second table you think would get along with the ones at your moms….. just do it and on the day of your wedding its not like everyone is going to walk in and your mom is going to say “omg what are YOU doing at my table?”….(since she invited tham all) she’ll be so busy she wont even care! and niether will anyone else…. TRUST ME