Post # 1
So my mom just hung up on me. She is angry with me because I told her that my Grandma was not welcome to bring her boyfriend and one of her friends to my wedding. It all started because she refuses to bring my almost 90 year old great-grandfather to the wedding. I am extremely close with him. My parents lived with my great-grandparents when I was a baby so the bond there is really strong. He’s been telling me “I’m gonna dance at your wedding, girl” for as long as I can remember. I absolutely adore him.
My Grandma, his daughter takes care of him. She says she does not want to bring him because he requires too much work. Now he walks very well on his own. The issue is he has dementia and gets disoriented sometimes. It’s an inconvenience, but our family could handle him. They did for my Aunt’s 40th birthday bash a year and a half ago. Instead of him being around family, they are arranging for a distant relative to watch him.
I’m livid. I am angry that my grandma is not bringing my great-grandfather, someone I really want to be there (more than her honestly lol). But yet she can bring her boyfriend and one of her best friends (who aren’t on my guest list). She didn’t even ask. I told my mom, if my great-grandfather isn’t coming, my grandma’s boyfriend and friend are not welcome. She says that’s disrespectful. She told me to shut up. She is not paying for a dime of our wedding, we’re paying for it. But yet somehow she thinks that she has the right to tell us who we have to pay for. Maybe I’m being a bitch. I can be sometimes. But I’m really annoyed. Who’s right, me or my mom? And why? It’s ok to be harsh with me if I need it.
Post # 3
Neither is right. Your Grandma should be allowed to come and bring her boyfriend but not her friend. Your mom should not be yelling at you, though, since it is ultimately your choice.
Could you not offer to get a nurse’s aid for the day or talk with any other family members about bringing him? I understand what you are saying, but your grandmother watches him all the time, maybe she wants to let loose.
Post # 4
@gingerlylove: My grandma is so welcome. Her boyfriend’s presence is questionable because many of my close family members can’t stand the sight of him. He is still married to someone else and has been the entire time they’ve been together…(almost 20 years). Sometimes I wish I could choose my family. LOL thanks for the input 🙂
Post # 5
Well, I do not get why your grandma gets to bring also her best friend honestly, bringing her boyfriend is somewhat understandable, but her best friend?
As for your great grand father, I think he should be there. As gingerlylove said, can you get a nurse or maybe talk to 2 family members so they can split the time between them? I think you are very lucky that he is still alive and gets to see you on this very special day so why deny it to him
Post # 6
I think you’re right – 100 percent. If she complains about having to watch him, tell her you would consider it your wedding gift. It’s your day and you’re paying. She should want him there as much as you do! Good luck and I hope he gets to see you walk down the aisle.
Post # 7
Hire a nurse and kidnap your grandfather for the day. Well, maybe not kidnap because that’s a crime but let your Grandmother know you are willing to assume responsibility for his care to, from, and during the wedding. As for the guest list, you and FI control that. If you don’t want the random friend coming, let your Grandmother know. However, it may help to convince her to bring your Great Grandfather if you allow her to bring her companions.
Post # 8
@soonergirl518: Then that makes much more sense. I understand why you don’t want him there and it is random and rude of her to bring an additional plus one; however, keep in mind you are still trying to dictate someone’s plus one so be sensitive about that.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone for all the support!
Post # 10
Although the BF is questionable, I would give her the plus 1, though nix this friend situation (what? so weird). I would hire a nurse for the day for your GGP. Being a caretaker (especially with dementia) is hard. I can understand why your GM doesn’t want to bring him. I don’t think it’s to spite you, but maybe hiring a personal caretaker for the day, you can compromise.
Post # 11
This thread makes me sad. I’m sure your great-grandpa would love to come to the wedding. I hope you can hire a nurse or someone for a day to look after him so he can come. Best of luck to you.