- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I thank you in advance for anyone who finishes this rant.
So every year since I can remember my grandmother hosts a family Xmas dinner between Xmas and New Years. For many years it was right off a highway, about 45 mins away from the farthest person. Over the past 5 years, it has moved to a second home she built in the country that is 90 minutes from my parents and my brother and his wife and child and 2.5 hours away from me. This is in decent weather. The town she built the new house in is rural with dirt roads for at least 25 minutes and the roads are literally just numbers.
She is Italian and cooks an elaborate meal and we appreciate it, but have told her to pair it down and spend time with us. She literally spends 20 minutes with us. I think she has OCD tendencies as she has to prepare the same meal every year in the same way. Even when we have offered to do dishes or help so she can spend time with her great grandkids she refuses. She is very controlling like that.
Now our entire family agrees going to this new house is crazy, and dangerous (we have gotten stuck in the snow) if its snowing/blowing. But noone will say ANYTHING to her. SO this year, about 2.5 weeks ago, I called her and explained the long travel time, the snow danger and asked her if we could have it at her other house in the City. She explained all her cooking in the City house is done in the basement (Italians have gorgeaous kitchens but use shacks in the basement to cook, don’t ask me why). So its hard on her knees to go up and down the stairs.
Solutions I posed to her:
Grandma we can do any of the following which is better then this new house:
1) We will all help you cook and do the up and down of the stairs
2) Cook in your gorgeous kitchen and eat upstairs in the dining room
3) Do it at my mothers house (all one level and easy)
4) I will host it
5) My brothers family will host it
She said she will do it at the old house and use suggestions of 1 or 2.
Great, everyone was happy. Until right before Xmas it got changed to what is always is every single freaking year. New house, dead of winter, on a day that is now here and snowing. I went to my parents house (banked my car in the process, took me 10 mins to get out) and a 25 minute drive was almost an hour. When I got there I was fuming, They agreed with me but told me to suck it up for my grandmother. My brother is telling me to suck it up. My FI is the only one that is like “Are you all crazy??? It is snowing, it is blowing, she had many options and chose the one that is the most dangerous and that noone wants to do, she has to deal with the consequences of that”.
So after I got into it with my parents I have now driven home (they told me to leave if I was going to be a bitch all day) and so I did.
Now they all agree with me, but are all mad that I had the balls to say no.
Am I being unreasonable for expressing my concern, giving my grandmother many options and alternatives and then not going when she chose the one option that I told her was the hardest and on a day like today not safe?
Please help with options. I am trying not to feellike the shittiest person ever but I feel like enough is enough.