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Good for you sometimes it's best to handle these things yourself and cut out the middlemen or women:-)
Good for you for standing your ground. I hope it all turns out for the best.
You're right, this is your wedding and you have to think of yourself and your future hubby FIRST. You can't please everyone. I understand your cousin wanting her boyfriend to come and that your mother wants to accomodate her but you can't do it if it upsets your FI that much. I'm sure if she does go she'll have fun with the family. I've been to weddings when my FI couldn't make it and I still had a blast- she'll live. At least you're not being rude about it, you seem to be apologetic about it. Like I said, she'll live, and so will her Mother and yours :o)
@ jennifer_espos - That's how I feel. It's all about the shift between listening to what parent's want and supporting your husband. We are a team and buiding a life together. I'm hoping my mom will understand in the long run :) Thanks for the vote of confidence!
Good job! I wish I could do that for my second cousins, but I just don't want to risk the wrath. ;)
Honestly - Good for you! You're absolutely right and justified. You did not do anything rude or out of line - it's the cousin, like you said, who is being rude.
It's no different when people have children and their parents don't respect or follow their wishes... We know you don't let little Johnny have sugar, but we didn't one little cupcake would hurt.
Your mom just wants to keep the peace, it sounds like, but since you stood up and took charge, you'll be the one fading the heat. I hope your mom understands and isn't miffed.
The weird part is that I offered early on to talk to this family member myself because I could tell my mom felt awkward about the whole thing. But then I think my dad told her that she needs to take care of it because it's not fair to make me the 'bad guy' when it's her family.
Eh. I usually end up telling people when I stand up for something that I don't mind taking the heat on it... Granted, it would have been nice if you hadn't needed to, but we do what we have to... MY wedding people... do not mess with the bride... lol
Serious kuddos to you for not ONLY taking your FI's feelings about it into consideration but for being proactive and reaching out to your cousin ASAP!
I'm sure your mother will say something to you about it, but tell her that you and FI discussed it and the decision has been made. Don't let her bully you around!!
my only issue is facebook announcment... honestly that site causes so much wedding dramas its not funny but GOOD FOR YOU for saying what you want for your wedding and also kudos for your FI for giving you the push to say enough is enough to people that think your wedding is the time & place to make their own demands.
fingers cross & sending positive vibes that all will go smoothly from here on in
I didn't annouce it on her wall (gosh that would be terrible!) I sent her a PM.
People are so rude about weddings these days. Did the envelope have his name on the address. No? Then he can't come! END OF STORY! They should be absolutely embarrased to make a scene out of something that is as trivial as this. She'll survive without her bf for one nite. I'd be soo tempted to copy a page outta Emily Post and send it to them. But Emily probably says something about that too. lol Good for you for standing your ground. Let her whine. You stand firm!
Good for you! My fiance and I have had to do this sort of thing ALOT with my mother recently. I think it's great that you listened to your FI's wishes and that y'all stood together on it. Don't feel bad at all - you definitely aren't the one being rude...they are!
How did your mom react? Did you warn her in advance that you decided against the plus 1?
Really, you are right. If she didn't want to go without her date, she should have just declined the invitation, instead of pulling an ultimatum. Ugg. Are you even close to this second cousin? Most people I know aren't that close to second cousins. It's like, "My hear won't break if you don't come."
***UPDATE***
Thanks everyone for the support. I'm not usually confrontational, but I found that being a bride, sometimes you have to be!
@ Tanya123- I am somewhat close with my 2nd cousin, we see each other from time to time. I didn't warn my mom about it before I sent the message. When I told her afterward, she was surprisingly very cautious of me. I think she was afraid to push the issue for fear of me lashing out on her! What a role reversal.
My 2nd cousin still hadn't gotton back to me, so I sent her another message on Facebook:
'I will consider your lack of reply to my message as a sign that you are not coming to the wedding. You know, I'm really surprised that you won't even show me the common courtesy of a reply. When (my fiance) & I made our guest list of people we'd like at our wedding, we thought to invite you. That is special. It's okay, you are young. One day you be engaged & will experience all the frustrations of trying to plan a wedding'
She responded to that one! She sincerely apologized for not getting back to me, even though she gave me a lame excuss about being really busy. Hello, we're all busy. She had a month and a half to reply. Regardless, she won't be coming to the wedding because she has to work.
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My mom and I have been going back and forth about her cousin's family RSVP. It's a week past deadline and my mom's cousin said that her daughter (my 2nd cousin) won't come to the wedding unless we allow her boyfriend to come too. My mom argued with her cousin about this, but for some reason my mom thinks it's bad etiquette to not allow cousin to bring a date (even though technically, they're the ones being rude)
Anyway, my mom pleaded with me to allow this as a special favor to her. So I said fine! When I told my FI about this, he was furious (which is kind of a big deal because he rarely has a strong opinion about things - especially anything wedding related).
I'm kind of sick of all the drama between the mothers, so I took it upon myself and sent my 2nd cousin a message on Facebook - telling her that we haven't received her RSVP and that I'm sorry if there was any confusion, but we simply cannot accommodate her guest and that we hope she will still come. I'm slightly fearful for my mom giving me an earful after this, but seriously, I'm an adult and this is my wedding. FI and I should decide who gets to come!