- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I know that things never go our way in life 100% of the time. I’ve written before here about being sober (almost a year!) as is my FI. Now that I’m in counseling for a lifetime of drama that’s finally working itself out and having found my one true love and a great job and a savings account (!!)….other things seems to be disintegrating.
My mother and possibly father are – as irony would have it – heavy into alcohol. They are totally disfunctional and I’ve always known that. My mom has been dramatic and crazy her whole life. But her drinking really got out of hand and has continued to downward spiral since about a year and a half ago when my aunt (her sister) passed away suddenly. She has now become angry, bitter, deceitful, and vengeful towards many members of my family. If anyone out there has an alcoholic in their lives they know how tough this can be.
So I had to start realizing that my mother is not going to be there for me as I planned out my big day. I have to admit this was always my dream – her and I picking out my dress together, etc. Well….with 4 1/2 months to go until I walk down the aisle…she’s just getting worse.
First she was just argumentative about everything I picked. But she’s gone now to either screaming at my voicemail or completely disappearing for a week or so. And my dad….well….he just follows suit with her. So now I have all this resentment towards my parents that I’m trying to figure out in counseling, AA meetings, etc. And I’m working hard to plan my life as a good future wife because, let’s face it, my life has to move on whether my mom comes with me or not.
I guess I’m just lonely. My mom wasn’t always this way. But now’s she’s missing out on one of the landmark events in my life and I’m brokenhearted. I want to get mad at her but that’s honestly so tiring most of the time. Now I just feel sad about it and sorry for her. Thanks for reading, my Bees. 🙂