(Closed) Family for Sale – CHEAP!

posted 10 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I don’t have any advice for you because I haven’t the slightest idea yet how a processional is supposed to work, but I just wanted to say I’m sorry for what you’re going through.  It sounds like you’re a strong and independent woman who has overcome a lot, and it’s unfortunate that others cannot fully grasp what you have gone through and why it has led you to certain decisions regarding your wedding. 

I hope your mother can take a step back and see why you don’t want your adopted father to walk you down the aisle, and accept that he was not a good father to you.  I also hope that she can see that bashing your biological father is doing nothing but making things worse for everyone involved, and she needs to leave the past in the past (or at least give you the truthful story about why he gave you up in the first place).  I think having your brother walk you down the aisle is a lovely gesture and I’m glad you’re sticking to your guns with that one.  I hope everything else somehow falls into place, and I wish you all the best. 

Post # 4
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2007

Melanie,

Love the title of your post by the way!!!

First of all, you don’t need to explain. It’s a very brave and strong person to withstand abuse. And it seems now you’ve grown to be a very throughtful person.

As you said, you guys are hosting so your mom needs to get over it. You can totally skip the introduction into the reception if you want. It’s really not entirely necessary and it seems like you have a very big party. We wanted to go right into the party party so we skipped entrances and were just announced Mr. & Mrs. It will lessen what is already a tense situation. One last thing you should deal with.

My brother walked me down the aisle. He’s 23. It was a really special thing because my brother and I were so close and he was proud to do it and there was no debate. Being that you "have" 2 fathers, it may be best to have your brother do it if that’s what you are most comfy with. Esp when your bio father didn’t raise you and your adopted father wasn’t very nice. Hurt feelings? Where were they when you were growing up? Remember, this is your day. And of all days, as a child, parents are supposed to responsible and should have been the ones to be there for you so they need to get over it.

Your mother is supposed to be the last person (of the family) in the processional before your bridal party enter. Maybe you can do grandparents, groom’s and then yours, parents of the groom, bio dad and wife, then your mom and adopted dad. Then it’s your bridal party, then you and your bro.

The rehearsal is entirely up to you. I found the more people I had the more stressful it was so be a little prepared for that.

Goodluck!!

Post # 6
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

Families are nuts, aren’t they?  Mostly, I think, we love ’em, or in worse cases, include them in our lives, but we don’t necessarily like ’em.

Anyway, for what it’s worth, here’s my 2-cents on the deal (and my sympathies on the stress and uncomfortableness).  We had a semi-non-traditional processional; it’s really what you want to do as far as honoring those who are important and loved in your life, and what will keep the peace. My hubs walked his own mother (his parents are both divorced with s.o.’s, who did not walk, but sat in the front row) down the aisle, followed by my brother w/ my mom. Then the wedding party, then me w/ my dad.  

Traditionally, moms are walked by ushers or siblings who aren’t in the party (I think). Since your moms have husbands and you don’t want your mom’s to walk you, let them walk the moms. That will include your mom’s husband in the day, w/o sticking you w/ him. And it will include your FI’s dad in a nice way too.  It’s not traditional, but who cares. Your brother escorts you (I think it’s wonderful you have him to do so).  My hubs grandmother is our only living grand, and just b/c of logistics (the elderly do sometimes take an awfully long time to get down the aisle, and might feel uncomfortable w/ everyone watching them do that, plus our aisle was outdoors and uneven ground), we just let her sit down in the front before everything started. I think it depends on how long a processional you want. I don’t think the grands are usually in processionals anyway.

On the program, I think for ettiquette’s sake you do have to note your mom’s husband under "Bride’s Parents" but my personal feeling is that you don’t have to acknowledge your bio dad’s "new" wife. I’d skip announcing the parents at any time. We didn’t announce, and no one cared. If you’re having a receiving line, that’ll take care of it anyway, and otherwise, just introduce people to your parents as you feel appropriate. 

Rehearsal dinner: eep.  You prob’ly ought to invite all the immediate family, including their spouses, but yikes. Seat them at separate tables, maybe? Or, ditch ALL family (including your brother), and just go with your bridal party. At least that way you have a definite "policy" on the invite list, and it could give you breathing space from the family.

Don’t let your mom boss you around; you *are* paying for everything, so it is your choice on how to handle things and who to include and how they should participate. 

Sorry for the novella here, but I know family is totally the most stressful part of weddings, and pretty much unavoidable!  Good luck! 

Post # 7
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Awww you poor thing, that sounds awfully stressful.  I think Mrs. Snowpea’s suggestion for the processional sounds really good.  I think it would also be a great idea to just simply skip introducing the entire bridal party at the reception and just have the MC announce you and your new husband.  We just attended a wedding where the couple did this and nobody even noticed that the bridal party wasn’t introduced separately, it worked really well. 

Post # 8
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I think that in the matter of the program you should list the parents together – though I wasn’t aware you listed them at all. (I  haven’t gotten that far in planning yet.) They may only be married a few years or you may not like one or the other but each person should be able to walk in with their spouse – it’s really only fair to them and it would seem a bit odd to bring them in seperatly or not at all. But with t hat said….

To be honest with you, I never really start paying attention to the processionals until the bridesmaids start walking in, I always found the parents coming in to be an unecessary addition to the whole thing that no one notices one way or the other. 

So I think that what makes you feel best is what you should do. I’m really proud of you for having your brother walk you in and standing up for your beliefs!!! You go girl!

 

Amber 

The topic ‘Family for Sale – CHEAP!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors