- 10 years ago
- Wedding: November 2007
I have a few wedding issues that have been eating at me for a while. With my wedding day a mere 60 days away, I am beginning to feel the stress and nerves more than ever, particularly when it comes to my family. Let me give you a little background.
I was adopted when I was 9 years old by my mother’s husband. My father terminated his parental rights and my step-father adopted both me and my sister and raised us. To this day I have not been able to find out why, and have heard conflicting stories all my life. My adopted father and I had some rather tumultuous years growing up and I was a victim of constant verbal/mental abuse and occasional physical abuse from him. I wasn’t a bad kid, I was actually probably any normal parent’s dream in terms of staying out of trouble, but the relationship between us was of mutual hatred. After finally moving out on my own, I regained contact with my biological father when I was 19 years old. The relationship with my biological father is strained and I see him a few times a year and keep up with my 3 other sisters via myspace and e-mail.
All my life I have dreaded who would “give me away” because in my eyes – I have no “real” father. I feel like my biological father already gave me away when I was 9, and I feel like my adopted dad never earned the right to give me away. I am fortunate enough to have a handsome 20 year old brother who is tickled pink to fill in – problem solved, right? Wrong. I still have to listen to my mom’s occasional “you should make your brother a groomsman and have your “dad” (her husband) give you away.” I flatly told her it’s not going to happen, and I know it upsets her, but that’s my final answer.
So, now with my family history blurted across the web, here are my questions:
How should my processional go? Should the mothers walk in alone? Where will the dad’s be? What about my grandparents? (My bio dad has a set, and my mom has a mother.) In the program, who should I list as my parents? (My dad is re-married, but only for 3 years now so should I leave her off?) Also, when the bridal party is announced at the reception– should I just skip the parents? What about the rehearsal, and rehearsal dinner? Who gets invited?
My ultimate goal is to not hurt anyone’s feelings. My mom will be angry at any mention of my bio dad, and takes every opportunity to bash him. Since my fi and I are hosting our wedding and paying for everything, this is something she will have to get over.
Does anyone else have a situation that puts the “FUN" in dysfunctional like mine? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I am going nuts over here!