Post # 1
My due date for my RSVPs is tomorrow. This afternoon I get a call from my Nana. She wants to invite someone else to my wedding (her deceased husband’s brother), but he is overseas at the moment so she won’t be able to know for sure if he can come or not until the week before the wedding.
She said that because my other Nana is bringing a “date” that she should be able to as well. My other Nana is bringing a “date” because she is 75 years old with very poor eyesight and has to drive 1,200km to come to the wedding, so obviously she needs someone to drive her!
I clearly didn’t sound very keen when she asked me because she said it didn’t matter and she felt bad for asking. Now I feely bad for making her feel bad. My Nana is a very sweet lady, and I know she is just excited about my wedding and wants to share it with lots of the family. I ended up just saying that I would put him in as a yes just in case he can come, to make sure he has a seat and a meal. Sigh.
I wanted a small wedding of about 40 people. I am NOT comfortable with attention and didn’t want a big spectacle fo a wedding. Then all of a sudden I got pressured into inviting EVERY SINGLE ONE of my great uncles and aunties. Yes, the siblings of my grandparents. My family is helping out a little financially so I felt pressured into inviting everyone they wanted me to. So I now how nearly 60 people coming, even though I oringinally only invited 48!
Thanks for listening to my vent. I feel much better now!
Anyone else having fun with difficult family?
Post # 3
So sorry to hear about your frustrations! I know when we were in the initial planning stages my mom had a laundry list of people she wanted to invite. I felt so much pressure because I didn’t want to tell her no, but at the same time I wanted her to have a good time and enjoy herself.
I’m closer with my dad’s side of the family than my mom’s (long story!) so none of her family members were invited….not a big deal since I barely see or talk to any of them When I calmly explained my reasons, she understood. Thankfully she has a pretty small family. Also, my fiance and I made a rule that we didn’t want anyone at the wedding that we had not met previously. So this immediately knocked out all of those cousins and great aunts and spouses of distant family members! We’re also having a semi-destination wedding and wanted to keep the guest list down to around 50.
But I started feeling bad when I thought about how most of my dad’s family would be invited. So I made a deal with my mom that she could submit a list of people that she would like to invite. I went through her list and ‘approved’ several people who would behave appropriately and also be there to support my mom….and not to cause drama! This approach worked pretty well. So well, in fact, that she kept submitting more names! When I finally gave her a break down of how much each additional guest would cost….she quit asking! lol! To compromise, we’re allowing her to throw us a party (kind of like a second reception) a few weeks after the wedding for all the folks who were not invited to the ceremony.
60 people isn’t so far off your initial number of invited guests. But I would say that you’ve got to put your foot down (as lovingly as possible) to make sure the guest list doesn’t swell to 100! Let your Nana invite her guest and then anyone else that asks to invite extra guests, tell them exactly what you said in your post: You’re uncomfortable with lots of attention and want to keep the guest list small so that you can really connect with everyone there. I think most people will understand, and the ones who do not….don’t worry about it! This is your day and you have to do whatever it takes to make sure you are calm and happy on that special day!
Post # 4
@Casual Glam Bride: Thanks. I know what you mean about feeling bad. I feel bad that now my entire extended family has invited itself, whereas Fiance is not even inviting a single uncle or aunty or anyone other than parents and siblings! The whole wedding will be just overrun with people I barely know, and I know FI’s mum will be peaved that all my family is there and none of theirs. I’m not a mean controlling bride like she will think I am, I’m just a gutless pushover!
It is just so frustrating! I still don’t know why my Nana feels she needs to bring a date to my wedding! She is 82!
And so much for putting my foot down… I had someone RSVP today, 4 days after they were due and after us chasing up with him for over a week. He has given himself a +1. And not even a date. Just some random dude. What the hell! Who does that?! I can see the day ending with both of them sh!tfaced because we are paying. Why else would a random guy want to come to someone else’s wedding?
If only this friend of FI’s would ever get married someday, so I can bring all my friends along uninvited for a good time at his expense.
Some people are so rude and dumb.
Post # 5
I think that older people and specially those who are widowed feel uncomfortable going to social events, afraid they’ll feel out of place or sitting by themselves (when other people are having fun / dancing).
I think that if you can acommodate your nana’s friend then you should, as you said she’s already 82 and won’t be around for long; when she’s gone will you want to look back and think that you couldn’t accommodate such a small request?
Post # 6
now about your other friend who’s added a +1, then you can easily say “sorry, we wish we could accomodate +1s but our venue has limited space; if someone backs out I will let you know!”
Post # 7
@mrsBtoBee: My Nana has already insisted that we invite her brother, and some of our family friends. She will know more people there than anyone!
And butthead friend already knows we don’t have limited space. He just doesn’t understand that we don’t want to pay shiteloads of money for people who are not coming because they want to see us get married, but because they will be getting free food/booze. I really feel like I can’t say no without causing dramas. Which sucks.