(Closed) Family Frustrations

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

My sympathies are with you 🙂  To be honest, if she’s gossiping and not succeeding at rallying family to her cause try to ignore it. 

You didn’t invite them, she knows that, everyone else knows that and to be honest most likely thinks she is being rediculous running around gossiping. 

If you do want to deal with it all though, perhaps you can have whichever parent it is of your’s who is her sibling talk to her about your limitations, but you telling her didn’t seem to do anything and it doesn’t seem like she has much respect for your grandmother and so I’m assuming her family in general.

Post # 4
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Oh yes, I’ve got similar stories!  The best advice that I can give you is to smile and ignore her. If she wants to come to your wedding she will, if she is really that upset she won’t.  There is not much else you can do.  You cannot give in to her demands or you will be giving in to everyone (trust me, she won’t be the last).  I just got a very nasty email from my fh’s cousin because we did not invite her boyfriend, whom she just bought a house with.  We did not know they had bought a house together, and neither of us had ever met her boyfriend.  I’ve also been dealing with family that is upset because we are not inviting anyone under the age of 18. Your Aunt is the one that looks and sounds bad with all of the negativity. The cousin I am dealing with right now complained about us to her family for three weeks before emailing me.  She then tried to "guilt" us into an invite for her boyfriend because he donated a kidney to my fh’s Aunt (which we did not know about and whom he hasn’t seen in 3 years).  The answer is still no, so she has decided not to come to our wedding. Fine, that is $100 less we have to spend on food and such.

We are expecting more of this.  We will smile through it and we will stick to the decisions we have made.  Be graceful and you will come out on top, let the others b*&%# and complain.

Post # 5
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I suppose that if you have the time and energy you could call her and see what you can do.  Maybe listening to her vent, and explaining your limitations personally, would help.  Otherwise I agree – you are never going to be able to make everyone happy, and people who are inclined to be negative are going to be so no matter what.  If your aunt tends to be negative anyway, I bet that she would find something to complain about no matter what you did with your wedding.  I have a couple of relatives like that, and it’s no secret in the family – we just listen to whatever their latest rant is, and then say to each other "Consider the source."  And I’m sure that’s about what happens in your family too – everybody knows, I’m sure, that your aunt is basically a complainer, and therefore doesn’t take her seriously.

Post # 6
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

That’s so tough, I really feel for you.  Weddings & funerals cause family members to go a little cuckoo because bottom line, it comes down to a public display of who’s inmportant to you.  By not inviting her stepkids, you are basically telling the world that they don’t mean anything to you in her eyes.

But hello, it’s your wedding and you should have people who mean the most to you, and not just randoms by obligation.  Stand strong, most people will understand and see she’s being irrational. 

I’d suggest talking to her, though, so you an at least say you tried to explain to her your reasons so you’re not snubbing her outright.  Just realize she still won’t agree with you, but you did your duty and you can move on.  Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 10 years ago

Are the stepdaughters living with her? If they are, even if you don’t know them well, ain’t they family now? Is like you didn’t invite her daughters…is she still married to their father? is he invited? 

I mean, I get it, you don’t know them but they are her family. Tough. 

Post # 8
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 10 years ago

sorry got cut off…

 Is a tough decision but if you put yourself on her shoes…you’re living them out cause they’re not family to you….you won’t leave out your BLOOD cousins would you? why is it ok to leave the step-cousins out?

in the end…is your wedding but… 

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