Post # 1
Hi! 🙂 Ok, so my younger sister got married in November, and she invited all the aunts and uncles, but didn’t invite the cousins that are under 18. I have 7 aunts and 7 uncles on our moms side, 3 aunts and 4 uncles on fathers side, many cousins between them all. Some cousins are over 18, some under. Anyway…it comes out to a lot of people. We are close with most of these cousins, but not all of them.
So anyway, one of my cousins who is under 18 but we are extremely close with, was a bridesmaid in her wedding, so she was at the wedding. One uncle heard about this, and he has 2 kids who are under 18 and we aren’t SUPER close with, & he flipped out. He said it’s not fair that she isn’t inviting any kids to the wedding, and he was mad that she had one cousin as a bridesmaid but not either of his 2 girls were in it. (BTW, his wife – my aunt – was invited to bridal shower, not the kids, well my aunt came to the catered bridal shower with my cousins! Rude, right?) Then, they declined the invitation to the wedding based on the fact that kids weren’t invited, so they haven’t really said much to her since her wedding. My mom saw him yesterday and he mentioned he is still mad about it! (This uncle was my sisters favorite, and she was his favorite niece…she was upset he acted like that.) Also, let me note that some of my cousins have had weddings where kids weren’t invited & it was never a problem…until my sister did it. Also, this fam lives out of state, so having my cousins in either of our weddings would be a pain as far as trying on dresses and everything goes.
I am having my wedding next summer – now I am freaking out. I am inviting all my aunts, uncles & cousins to my wedding. I am also having the same cousin who was in my sisters wedding in mine as a bridesmaid. I will also have another cousin I grew up with as a bridesmaid. My uncles kids won’t be bridesmaids. I am just waiting for the fall-out from this now. Also, my uncles have been known to be babies – another uncle didn’t come to my sisters wedding because it was formal & he couldn’t wear jeans and a flannel!!
I don’t even want to INVITE some of them… my questions are: 1. Do you think I have to invite EVERY aunt, uncle and cousin I have just because we are related? and 2. Do you guys think my uncle acted out of line?
Post # 3
I think you should invite them all. And if anyone does not want to come, just smile in your mind and be grateful for it. You do not want to cause unneccessary drama from the start. Unless there are cases of being totally abusive, it is probably best to be the better person and invite them all. If someone comes up to you or calls you complaining, simple say “I am sorry you will be not able to share my special day with me, but I look forward to seeing you at *insert family event here*” Then take a breath and don’t let it bother you 🙂
Best of luck!
Post # 4
My goodness! What an uncle. He sounds pretty irrational. Yes, I think he was out of line. My mom is inviting all the relatives. Sigh. Invite who your parents say so, if they’re paying. Hopefully Mr. Uncle will mature a little before your wedding.
Post # 5
We are in a similar situation. My family is paying for our reception. My parents have very large families and we are all very close. There is about 80 of us and we all see each other often. Aunts, Uncles, cousins were invited; however, the younger cousins were not, even though we are all close. If we invited ALL cousins m family list would be over 100+, our families are okay with this. In our family as kids get older that is when you get invited to such weddings. I didn’t get invited to my first family wedding until I was about 25. However, for my FI, his mother comes from a very large family, he is not close with most of them, hasn’t seen cousins or some Aunt and Uncles in many years , wasn’t invited to any of his cousins wedding. Because there are 13 siblings on his mothers side, and finically we didn’t want to go over budget, we opted to only invite the Aunts and Uncles. His mother flipped out, we compromised and said we would invite ADULT cousins. She still had a cow with it; however, she didn’t offer to help finically with ANYTHING. My FI Aunts and Uncles are now mad that their younger children were not invited and now won’t be coming. Frankly, I don’t care, if they can’t come because their kids weren’t invited then I don’t want them there and they are coming for the wrong reasons. I think it’s VERY rude for people to get made and angry and do stupid stuff as to even make an issue out of an invite. They have no say in that and people should feel HONORED they got invited, not be rude and disrespectful and have the nerve to be pissed off. If people care so much then they should work harder in keeping closer relationships and being a part of your life, that’s my take on it. I want people at my wedding that I am close with, that want to spend the day with me, and that I know in 10 years I am still going to be close with in involved in each others lives. I think just because your family doesn’t give someone a free pass to get an invite. My FI was never close with his family and is the first to say that most of his friends are more like his family, so it was important for us to include those kinds of people.
Post # 6
Thanks for the feedback guys! 🙂 I am just going to send invitations to the aunts, uncles & cousins & whoever comes is fine with me. If someone doesn’t want to come for some childish reason then I don’t want them there anyway, right? ::sigh:: Why are families so difficult?
@ams12 – I feel your pain! Some people feel they are entitled to an invite, however when there is a lot of family, you have to draw the line somewhere. Sometimes inviting everyone is a huge expense and can’t be done. So I say invite who you guys want to spend the day with. My sister was really given some major crap about not inviting kids to her wedding. So much so that it really ruined her day and the weeks leading up to it. I wish family would be more understanding.