Family Hell!!! HELP (Long long long)

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
5905 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@knmw1106:  Wow…that just got right out of hand there, didn’t it?

I get where you’re coming from, and for what its worth, as a step-mom myself…its just never easy to walk that line between being Dad’s Wife & Someone the Kids Relate to…its honestly a crap shoot and you have to build it together, but that doesn’t always work out…so I’m sorry, I know how rough it can get.

As for the “flower girl” issue, if I might add some perspective for you to consider…just for the sake of argument.  My in laws are also a blended, and complicated family, and there was a wedding this fall with a large bridal party, like yours.  Out of all the children in the family, there are 5 girls raging in age from 7 to 13…and two boys, 2 and 6…out of all 7 children, all were a part of the bridal party, save one….

I understand your decision not to include her, but a reasonable person might also look at the size of your party and wonder exactly why not just one more? Unless it was some slight against the child or parents?  I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing…but I could see someone thinking that….and when a child sees all of her cousins being a part of something, and she’s the only one left out, that’s a terrible and lonely feeling.

If you’re absolutley set on excluding her from the bridal party, proper, couldn’t a compromise be reached where she has some other special, if not slightly removed place in things?  Maybe she could walk down the aisle with one of those adorable signs I’ve seen, or ring a bell while the guests arrive?  It could be special, but you’d still have her removed from things she might not handle as well….?

Either way, the final discussion between you and your father was nothing but bravado and smoke on both ends, threats have no place between family members and if it were me, I would forget everything that was said and request that your father and step mother do the same, and try to start fresh with a solution oriented discussion, where everyone meets halfway.

This is no time to burn bridges, its a wedding…not a war


Post # 4
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@knmw1106:  First, KUDOS to you for standing up for yourself. It breaks my heart when I read on the Bee about brides who allow their families to railroad them.

That being said, I totally get where you are coming from. I personally did not invite fair weather family to our wedding.

Does the parents of the little girl want her to be a FG or is this your stepmother trying to cause trouble?

I say stick to your guns.

Post # 5
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@knmw1106:  I’m so sorry that all of this escalated so quickly! :/ I think @Nona99:  gave you some great advice. Obviously you know your situation better than any of us other Bees do, but how about a compromise? You’ve already made your decision and stuck to your guns about her being in the actual wedding party (good for you). Could she maybe be included as a favor girl at the reception? I had an aunt  who did this because she was in a similar situation–included all but 2 cousins, but was getting flack for “leaving them out,” even though the 2 she left out were ones that she saw once a year. ugh. Basically your step-niece(?) could carry a basket of extra favors (or even just stand [supervised] at the favor display) and hand them out. Everyone will think she’s cute, the family will have her included, and you won’t have to deal with a) going back on your word about her being IN the wedding, and b) her being possibly disruptive in your bridal party.


Now, with all that said, I’m sending you lots of happy thoughts for your wedding :))

Post # 7
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@knmw1106:  It sounds like your stepmother is just trying to cause drama. I’m with you: why is she so adament over HER grandchild but not the other children?

Be thankful other family supports you. In the end, those two are look like the idiot.

Post # 8
2056 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Nona99:  aaahhhhh i love every response u have, its like your in my head

Post # 9
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

You said that three of your siblings/step siblings are married. Were you included in all three weddings? If you weren’t in your step brothers wedding, you could always point that out to your SM.

I would like to second the “leave the threats out of it” part as well.

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