- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
My fiance and I got engaged in July and are planning our wedding for next July 2014. He secretly asked for my mother and stepfather’s “blessing” a few days before he proposed, and they were so happy with him and said they would support us in any way, but that promise of support has passed. My fiance and I were on vacation and he second I got engaged I called my mom and she did not sound happy at all, almost as if she didn’t care. When i got back from vacation, I went over her house to show her the ring and to talk about the proposal, but she seemed so preoccupied with doing things for my stepfather (it’s a new re-marriage, long distance, and I personally do not care for him). This continued for a month, and I would see my mother at least twice a week. She just acted like the engagement never happened, which confused me because when my fiance went to her she was so happy. Anyway moving forward a little, we finally get a chance to talk one on one a month later and i express all my feelings towards her, and we kiss and make up. Last Wednesday, I went over to show her our wedding venue that we are absolutely in love with. All she is requesting is a ceremony in a Catholic church (I was raised Catholic but do not practice anymore and my fiance does not practice either). We respected her wishes and said we would do it in a Catholic church, but my mom even suggested to look at our different sources and see if we could do it in a chapel, etc. She was really supportive about the venue and how we wanted a casual wedding reception. My famliy is very Catholic. A few days later my stepfather comes into town and all of a sudden all hell breaks loose. They start calling me incessivly, asking me to come over so they can talk to me, and even start calling and texting my fiance that they need to talk to him. We had plans so I call my mother and ask what’s wrong. She says we didn’t really get a chance to talk (yes we did on Wednseday?) and how I am not making the Catholic church my priority. We have a fight on the phone, basically over things how I “made it complicated because I found the reception first instead of the church first,” how I am not making it about family because the venue is someplace 40 minutes away and that is not convenient for them, how I making it about friends because we want a causual outdoors wedding, how my grandparents don’t want this or that, and so much more. In the beginning, she offered a monetary amount but after this big debacle my fiance and I do not want her money anymore. He feels that they will never be happy with our choices, but in respect we have found a Catholic church for the ceremony and well do our reception our way. I don’t understand how a place 40 minutes away-even for out of town guests- is inconvenient? And how a causal reception is bad? Will it show something about the family? And my family doesn’t even care about his family or his guests.
I guess I am writing or really venting because this should be one of the happiest times of my life and I have always dreamed about getting married since I was a little girl, and family shoudl not do this. They claim to give support but just want things their way. I feel awful and I don’t think this is how planning a wedding should be. Too many people are getting involved (aunts calling my fiance, ignoring me, etc.)
Does anyone have any good advice/tips? I just feel so sad and it’s not that I don’t know what to do, just if anyone has had a similar experience? This is supposed to be about me and him, and we are respecting my family’s wishes but they are just really hurting me.