- 2 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Before I start, we get along well with all of our family members. My husband and I are the oldest of all our siblings, the only ones married and the only ones near the child-bearing years of our lives. We’re both 27, married a year, working in full-time salaried careers for approximately three years. We rent a beautiful and spacious two-bedroom apartment in a safe neighbourhood in an expensive city, own our own car out-right (no lease payments), have more than enough money for a down payment on a house in a more affordable city (which we intend to move to in a couple years), travel annually, spend lots of time with our families, have been financially independent for years and don’t invite other people’s opinions into our lives or discuss our private matters with them.
I guess I just get a little hurt/frustrated/dismayed, though, by how often his family feels the need to remind us that we’re “young”, “have lots of time”, “shouldn’t have kids before [we’re] ready”, “shouldn’t rush”, etc. On my side, my parents frequently mention how excited they are for us to have kids and how much they wish it was now. My siblings say nothing at all (they are a few years younger with their own lives going on). On his side, his parents are divorced and make one of the aforementioned comments every second time we see them. His mother once wished me a Happy Mother’s Day, immediately looked stricken, and spent the rest of the afternoon saying, “not yet, not yet, I didn’t mean yet”. His younger sibling is now saying these things (in a polite, sweet and mildly concerned way) every time we hang out. It’s baffling to me, because I never solicit people’s opinions on whether or not we seem, act, or feel ready to have kids. I feel like his sibling is sensing that we’re considering it and inexplicably feels the need to caution us.
Today, his sibling said to me that we should “make sure we’re really ready before we have kids”. At another time when we were briefly discussing how DH and I intend to move back home to the city our family lives in, his sibling said “but you wouldn’t want to do that with a newborn, you’d have to move while you’re still pregnant”. I appreciate that his sibling is being thoughtful and stuff, but it’s frustrating. DH and I always make decisions that are best for us without outside opinion and we always come through well.
Frankly, the concern really isn’t welcome, though. I don’t like being spoken to like I’m an irresponsible kid whose likely to get myself into trouble by making reckless decisions and playing adult. Part of me feels like these are just vague staple comments that I should be ignoring, or if our tight-lipped way of dealing with our families (ie. they don’t know how much we make or what our savings are like) makes them feel concerned that we’re not as secure as we are.
I guess the problem is that we do intend to start TTC in about 3-4 months, with the (hopefuly) big announcement following in the winter or spring. I don’t want to deal with the follow-up comments like “why didn’t you wait” or “but you’re so young”.
Does anyone ever imply that they don’t think you’re ready for kids? How do you handle it politely and tactfully? I’m not a confrontational person, so it’s hard for me to directly tell a family member that the matter is really none of their business.