Post # 1
My half-sister (whom I have never met), is coming to my wedding. She sent me an email a couple of days ago asking if they could stay at my house (not sure who ‘they’ are, could be her spouse and/or kids or also my dad, and I have only met him once and the relationship is rocky to say the least).
Why oh why did she have to put me in this position? Number one my house is just not big enough and two – I WILL BE PREPARING FOR MY WEDDING! That might sound selfish, but it is true. They have other family members to stay with, so I think it is just so that we can spend some time together, which I plan to do at a dinner or something when they get here since I won’t be able to devote 100% attention to them at the reception.
How would you bees handle this situation? I am going to say no (I need to say no), just not sure how to diplomatically do it.
Post # 3
@emviamama: I would just tell her that with all the wedding craziness going on, you won’t be able to host any guests. Simple and true.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Just write back: Dear So and so, I’m so sorry, but there really won’t be room to accomodate you here at that time. I’d love to have you all for dinner or whatever…….. Can’t wait to see you! Love, ….
No need to go into details or be overly apologetic. Just say no nicely. I wouldn’t bother stressing over it.
Post # 5
@emviamama: prahajess gave you a great response. It’s what Miss Jeanine, the Etiquette maven, calls having a “polite spine”.
Even though she is your sister, she is STILL a stranger. Your home is your personal sanctuary. It is perfectly fine to protect it and not allow presumptious people to come stay.
Post # 6
“No, sorry. There are rooms available at the nearby hotel which we blocked and got a special rate, you may want to check there.”
There is no need to be diplomatic – what she did was INCREDIBLY rude.
I wouldn’t even invite her over for dinner – aren’t I ALREADY hosting a big, expensive dinner she’s invited to!!?
Post # 7
Glad you’re saying no!
I’d also say something like “Things are going to be super busy during the week before the wedding, so we won’t be able to host you! But I hope we’ll be able to get together for dinner while you’re here!”
Post # 9
@emviamama: I have been in the exact same position we got married in Mexico and my in Laws invited themselves to my parents house.
You can do lots of things.
1 arrange discounts with hotels close to the venue.
2 Ask your friends and relatives to help
Dont get upset and dont see it as people you are estranged to. Think about it as people who want to get closer to you and want to share your beautiful wedding with them. And good idea about the dinner it try a non expensive restaurant so you wont have to add stress to your already busy schedule
Post # 10
@emviamama: DO NOT……. LOL…. I had family stay with us the week of and it was nothing but stressful. (let alone ppl you barely know). tell her you’ve already commited to some people staying…just “sorry, but we already have a full house”
Post # 11
Follow-up: I sent this message to my sister:
I am so glad you are going to make it back for the wedding! Who all is planning on coming? Unfortunately my house isn’t very big and we already have a houseful and with all of the wedding prep, there will literally be no room, I hope you understand. You’ll have to let me know your schedule we can hopefully plan a night out for dinner.
She wrote back and said that she understood. And get this – it is not only her, but her husband and 2 kids! So glad that I said no, as awful as it sounds.
Post # 12
@emviamama: Just reply “I’m so sorry, but staying at our house just won’t be possible. There are a number of affordable hotels in the area such as X and X. I hope you will still be able to come, I would love to meet you. Please feel free to contact me if I can answer any questions about any local hotels.”
If she replies asking you to reconsider, be a broken record: “I’m so sorry, its just not possible.” You do not owe her an explanation for why its not possible – it just isn’t. Don’t let her put you on the defensive or make you feel you need to justify your decision. You don’t.
It was pretty ballsy to even ask – especially so since you’ve never even met her! If she pursues this or gets angry, she is the one being inappropriate so don’t let her bad behavior make you feel awkward or guilty.
Post # 13
@emviamama: Good for you! I think you made the right call.
Post # 14
I would simply state there is either not enough room or that with all the wedding preparations, that you simply can not handle guests. I would prehaps offer to help them find suitable hotels in the area if need be. Its your house and you get to decide who gets to stay there.
Post # 15
@emviamama: I had this! First it was my mom, then my sister and her boyfriend and their FOUR children all wanted to stay. I had to say no in the end. My mom was pissed at me. Oh well. It was the start of all her evil drama actually.
However, that wedding was all cancelled for other reasons (my dad was dying).