Family issues

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

Is it just with your cousin, or with the whole family?  If it’s with the whole family it would be weird if you didn’t bring him since he’s marrying into your family soon and you’re a couple.  If it’s just her wanting family time, she really might just want some time with you and may not know how to reach out to you in the right way for that.  She could feel like she’s the third wheel when she might want to spend some quality time with you, or she might have things she wants to talk to you about without your FH there.

Post # 4
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

How often do you see these people without your SO? Sounds like they want to spend time with YOU! Leave him at home and go with your child.

Post # 5
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Can you seriously not hang out with your family for one day without your SO? That doesn’t seem very healthy.

Post # 6
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

If it’s going to be all girls then why do you want to bring him?  I’m all for bringing family and SOs together but there is a time and a place for it.  If it was the whole family for just a get together then I wouldn’t see the problem with bringing him but for something like this where it sounds like a girls day at the lake leave him at home.  There is a time and place for everyone and you need to learn that it won’t help anyone to force your SO’s (or FI I guess) pressence on them all the time.  

Post # 9
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

aremat1989:  Yeah but it’s just women going, he’s going to be the only guy there.  That just sounds like a sucky time for him anyways.  Like I said I’m all for involving him but don’t force him on people, if your cousin wanted guys there she would’ve invited them.  This is her day that she is setting up, she said she didn’t want him there so either accept the invitation or don’t.  This really hits home for me becuase I lost a good friend over the fact that she wouldn’t go anywhere or do anything without her SO.  Yes you are a social unit now but that does not mean you need to go to everything together just becuase it lands on his day off.  Life is about give and take, say “Ok lets do this lake day without him but how about next week WE all go bowling on his day off.”  She obviously wants to spend time with just you so give her just you for the day, it shouldn’t be that hard.

Post # 11
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

aremat1989:  she did make her feelings known, though. Maybe not right away but she let you know she didn’t want him there. It’s nice that he wanted to go but he sort of invited himself along which I personally would see as sort of irritating. I don’t know you but do you tend to withdraw when you have your SO around? I’m that way because he tends to be my safety net in social situations. And my personality does change a little when I know he’s around (I talk less, I’m more laid back). If my girls want to go out with just me, I’m different… I’m louder and talk more. If this was the case when you were with your ex or is the case now, I understand why she’d want just you there.

Post # 12
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If it was a family group thing with other couples there, then I would say she maybe being a little jealous not to want your FI there. But since it’s just your cousin, aunt, you and your child, then I really don’t see it necessary for him to go; even if he wants to go. But the comment about you being clingy was unnecessary. Unless there’s more to the story we don’t know about. Like if you constantly need him to go wherever you go and maybe not notice you’re doing that because you’re in love, which is normal. You need to know when to  include your FI and when not to. And I think this is one of the times you can just spend time alone with your relatives. 

Post # 15
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

aremat1989:  Okay. Just thought I’d ask. Has this cousin met your SO and everything and knows how you operate around him with others? I mean if she hasn’t really gotten to see him in action so to speak perhaps she’s afraid he’s like your ex? I mean, my opinion is that you should go and spend some time with just your family, but I don’t think her comments were right either. Just trying to understand the situation a little better. I do hope you go and spend some quality family time and it seems like your FI would be okay with that since he’s encouraging of you getting along with your family. I hope everything works out for you. 🙂

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