Family issues about wedding.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

OK – the most eye opening piece of advice I was EVER given was this:  “Stop going to a dry well looking for water.  It will never be there.”

 

Your mom is a dry well.  She ALWAYS has been and has never been there for you.  Your wedding will not change that at all.  If you really want to enjoy this time, share it with those who are there for you and want to be involved.

 

It is obvious she is a manipulator and very self absorbed.  Cut her out of the wedding planning and don’t take a dime from her if she offers.  That self-absorbed thing is well evidenced in her wanting to have a double wedding with you so she can be the center of attention.

 

She has never been there for you, the well is dry.  Stop discussing the wedding with her, any monetary details, and just tell her when and where to show up (if she decides to).  If you are really honest about all of this up front  you can choose to not let her hurt you.  Be the one in charge!

 

Post # 4
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@DuckyPDuckerson:  

@hermom just gave you the best advice you will get.

Stop looking to her for approval. Do not involve her in planning. Send her an invitation and that’s it. Have a nice flowrer if you want to and enjoy your day.

Matter of fact, get dressed in a location not near her. Have her mmet you at the venue.

Make sure you have a strong MOH or family member to “shadow” her to make sure she does not annoy or hurt you the day of.

Post # 6
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@hermom:  +1 This. 

OP, you can only control your reactions to people’s actions, not their actions. I’m not sure why you expect your mom to be there when she hasn’t been before. I know it’s hard, but trust me, once you set healthy boundaries, you’ll be so much happier. 

My dad was like this – never there for me, always made promises he never followed through on. We now have a great relationship because we never talk. He knows nothing about the wedding, doesn’t ask, and I don’t share. He’s pleasant when I see him, and I share very generic conversation with him – weather, traffic conditions and how cute my niece / his granddaughter is. 

Do what you want and if your mom has a problem with it, she doesn’t have to be a part of it. Just something to think about – if your mom were anyone but your mom, would you put up with treatment like this from her? Family is often used as an excuse to treat people badly – it shouldn’t be. Family celebrates you, supports you and should be a source of love and joy. If it isn’t, I’d re-examine things. 

Post # 7
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am so sorry, your mom sounds horrendous. You don’t deserve that. Cut her out of your life and enjoy planning your wedding with peole who support you. 

Post # 8
Member
1216 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@DuckyPDuckerson:  I have given up on a majority of my family ever doing the right thing or being there for me when I need them. It’s a sad but true fact. Your mom has no right to be mad at you for having your FMIL there if she was invited but blew you off. Try to embrace the fact that you are about to get married and with that comes new family members. My family is really rocky and they are crazy, and while my SO’s family isn’t perfect, they are always there for both of us now, and the family members that I am close to and can count on are there for my SO and I as well. You have to remember the good people you have in your life and not concentrate on the ones that aren’t worth your time.

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