Post # 1
i am having a few issues lately when dealing with my wedding. a little background: i have felt (for about nine years), that my extended family (aunts, etc.) just likes judging me and hoping for the worst for me… because of this, i have not talked to them much in the last 5 years or so. i feel like every time i do, they have nothing positive to say to me.
that being said, i spoke with my aunt a few weeks ago about wedding stuff (date, etc.) we don’t have a close relationship, so the conversation was awkward from the beginning. however, out of the blue, she said, “how much did your dress cost?”. i asked her, “how much did MY dress cost.” and she said, “yeah.” this made me upset for awhile. i thought it was extremely rude to ask.
another thing that happened was this: someone who has been semi close to the family for the past 25 years or so sent his rsvp back stating that he wouldn’t come to the wedding… i kind of took offense to this b/c i have known him since i was young, and he has always been a semi father figure. my mother was talking to my aunt about it, and my aunt said, “well, she hasn’t cared too much about anyone the past few years so he probably gave up on her. he tried calling her a few years ago once for her birthday and she never called back.” this made me extremely upset. for one, i don’t remember a single phone call, and two, i feel like if he really cared, he would come to my wedding and not miss it for a petty reason.
this is hard to really understand b/c of the complex of history, but i guess i feel really discouraged in general about everything. i feel like i am the blame for everything… i do everything wrong. my extended family tells my parents negative things on a regular basis (she never calls or cares to talk to us.) yet, my other cousins NEVER call my parents to catch up. however, that is seen as excusable. i feel sad and am starting to not want a wedding. i feel like many of the extended family members do not want me to succeed or be happy, and honestly enjoy it when i am not doing well. if you could just give some advice, that would be great.
Post # 3
Ok, first off, your aunt was rude by asking. I would have told her sweetly that it “cost enough to make me feel fabulous” and then changed the subject.
Secondly, your aunt was just saying stuff. This doesn’t mean that it was true. I’d write a letter or card back to the person stating that you’re sorry that they’re unable to join you for the wedding and hope to speak to them very soon.
Weddings make people do very crazy things. And it’s hugely stressful for family – especially family who don’t get along very well anyways (my family are currently engaged in a huge battle of the wills, it’s been going on for a while. I haven’t spoken to some of my aunts in almost a year and on top of that FH’s family have decided they don’t know me well enough to know if they can support our marriage. After knowing me for 3 years. Families are weird). Try not to take stuff too personally (I know this is hard) and focus on the fact that at the end of the day you’re marrying your FH and everything else is just icing on the cake.
Post # 4
The price of your dress is none of your aunt’s business. You could answer with it was exactly what I expected to pay and leave it at that. As far as the father figure friend of the family you should give him a call and ask him why he can’t attend. I am sort of wondering why you didn’t call him before hand though. If he is that close to you I would think he would know about your wedding before you sent the invite or at least that you were engaged.
Post # 5
littlemissmo gives brilliant advice 🙂 my Future Mother-In-Law used to do that to me until I started saying “I don’t know how much it cost, myparents are taking care of that” or “so much Ineed to take out a second mortgage!” just don’t answer the question directly – you don’t need to explain your finances to anyone! What a bloody cheek – no wonder you’re pissed off xx
Post # 6
I agree, I think it’s very rude to ask about the price of the dress. I know people will be asking me and already have and say it’s a secret and that it’s for me to know. They’re not paying for it, so why do they care, it’s only to judge.
Post # 7
if you aren’t close to them anymore then just don’t invite them. you should surround yourself with people who really care about you on your wedding day!
Post # 8
I agree with above!!! Just because they are “family” –if you have no real relationship with them, haven’t talked to them in years, and don’t think they treat you well.. why invite them?! I would only want to be with people who care about me on my wedding day. Even if that means only have 20 guests!