Post # 1
The FI and I are starting on the guest list. We originally just wanted it to be immediate family, then we decided to include aunts and uncles and some friends.We have pretty much decided on a location which is Amelia Island, which is not where we live. Our reasoning for wanting it there is because I used to live up there, we go up to the Jacksonville area all the time because our best friends are up there, we got engaged on Amelia Island, and we just love it.
While at family functions during the holidays we mentioned how we would like to get married in Amelia Island.. which is about 3 1/2 hours from FI family, and my immediate family, and several states away for the rest of my family. Some of my FI family complained a bit, and several said they might not go. I felt like they were saying it so we decided on a closer location so it would be more convenient for them… I would never say that, and I would go, especially because it’s family! The family members who were complaining don’t even have children to worry about, or money issues. (which are two reasons I could understand) We plan on blocking rooms in a very affordable hotel for those who choose to not stay at the wedding location, and most of the food for the weekend would be paid for by us as we are doing a welcome dessert on friday, reception dinner on saturday, and a brunch on sunday. My feeling is if they dont want to go then fine, screw them. But it hurts a little that family might not go because the location isn’t right down the road from them.
Does anyone else find this extremely rude? Or is this normal for family to be so selfish, and inconsiderate?
Post # 3
It’s normal for people to want to go to weddings and to be disappointed if it is inconvenient or difficult to do so. Just think of it as kindly as possible (e.g. they are disappointed they can’t come) and ignore it.
I’m bugged my BIL is having his wedding 2 hours away from his home because it is “pretty.” It requires flying in a night sooner as a result (and requesting an extra day off from work as a result), issues on timing of flying out (need time to drive back and that means a really late arrival home), and an extra car rental. I haven’t said anything but I’m bugged – and this despite the fact that MY own wedding was 2 hours from where we live. Now we have reasons that I think are better than that it’s “pretty” (it’s our alma mater, we met post-college through the college, we got engaged there) but I know it’s unreasonable to be annoyed. Which is why I’m not saying anything. But I confess, I am complaining loudly to DH that his brother wants us to take 3 days off from work for various events though! I only get 10 days off each year so yes, I am pissed beyond all that they want to use 30% on the wedding. We only took 3 days off for our own wedding & mini-moon…
Post # 4
@sdnathe: yes it’s rude but not abnormal – you’ll see throughout your wedding planning that everyone thinks it’s abot them and not you. Stick with your location, those you love and really want to be there will be. Everyone had something to say about our wedding date – who knew a saturday evening in March could stir up so much drama?! We had people asking us to move our date back to make it more convenient for them! Get used to it dear, you’ll quickly be wondering when exactly is wedding planning going to start being about you and your FI and not about everyone else! Weddings really bring out people’s true colors.
Post # 5
I think it is normal for people to feel this way. Not much they can do about it. It they would rather sit home and pout about the location rather than watch two people they know and love get married then let them stay home and sulk. Their loss.
Post # 6
I definitely understand. My Fiance and I want to get married where we live locally which would mean his entire family would have to travel about a 2-3 hour plane ride (for the majority of them) and everyone of my family members minus my parents who live locally would have to fly 5+ hours from the East Coast. None of my family members are complaining but my FMIL has made her little snarky comments and hints about how we should do it locally to them that way it isn’t such a big inconvience for all of them to travel and find hotel rooms etc. The funny thing is my fiance is dead set on not doing it locally for them. Our goal is to make the wedding basically a destination wedding for most people and have them make a weekend/vacation out of it since we live in the Bay Area and there are tons of things for everyone to do. Selfishly we also wanted almost everyone to have to travel as we want a small wedding and want to make sure the people that do come are coming for the right reasons, us, rather than just an event to get free food and booze. We are in the initial stages of planning so we haven’t officially broken the news to most people where exactly the wedding is going to be but it is our day and we have decided for once in our lives we are going to make sure it is exactly how we want it (we are both big time people pleasers).
Post # 7
@kay01: I would be bothered if the place had no meaning to the couple, and the only reason was “it’s pretty.” lol BUT both of us chose our location because it was special to us for several reasons! So who cares if we both sound a bit hypocritical!! I won’t tell if you don’t! 😉
@Lizzie1116: Our original thought was to just have immediate family, and make it like a family vacation. We thought everyone would love this, and most everyone had no issues. It’s when we expanded it to aunts, uncles, all the grandparents, and friends that the issues started. Everyone wants to go to the wedding, but not without complaining about it. I have no idea what my family up north will say, or if they will even come. I’m actually a little scared this will start a family fued. My father is already saying everyone better come bc he almost spent 7k taking us all up to my cousins wedding. family drama…
Post # 8
Yes, I think it’s really rude – that’s not even that long of a drive. We’re getting married in New York, which is halfway across the country from BOTH our families, and we don’t even have a “connection” to New York besides that it’s the closest state we can get legally married in as a same-sex couple, and no one has complained about it. I was worried they would suggest we should just have a commitment ceremony in our home states, but they’ve all been surprisingly cool with the fact that we don’t want to have a “convenient” ceremony that will have no legal status.
Post # 9
@sdnathe: The funny part is that none of my family traveling from the East Coast, any of our friends, or half of SO’s family have complained about it. It has more been FMIL and FFIL. I think part of it is that the will not have the control of helping/planning it if it is not in their city and the fact that they want to invite a lot of people but know it will be more of an issue since it is not local. We have yet to tell them that we are capping the guest list at 125 since the wedding is in October of 2014. I think that will cause more issues. While we are not paying for hotels and food besides the wedding we were going to organize events for people to do, places to see, etc. I had a friend that did the same thing. She got married in our town and all her wedding guests basically came from Texas and NYC (besides me). They all looked at it as a great vacation, an excuse to see the Bay Area which they might not have considered doing, and a fun time to bond with everyone. Instead of a rehearsal dinner with just the wedding party we were going to include everyone we invited so really they get 2 events out of us and it is one less meal they have to pay for. I am already preparing for arguments from SO’s side of the family but if this is what you and your fiance want, hold true to what you want as it is your wedding, just make sure you guys are on the same page.
Post # 10
@batbrain: I think that is really great no one has complained… you are lucky! But if they did how dare them. I would hope that everyone would understand that you want your marriage to be legal! IMO not having a “connection” to the place doesn’t really matter in this case since you want to be legally married!
Post # 11
It’s rude of them to say that indeed! It’s your and FI’s day. Amelia Island is beautiful! I hope you guys don’t let the comments get you down and continue planning your wonderful day!
People have plenty of time to plan and save if they truly want to come. For my wedding we let people know 18 months out it is going to be in Florida and some folks would have to travel if they want to come. If not, that is okay – we just want our friends and family to be happy for us. As your friends and family should be happy for you. Good luck!
Post # 12
@sdnathe: We’ll be having our wedding in Kentucky, where ALL of his family lives(and where he is from). And in his family’s church, which I fell in love with. The reception will be at a relative’s home. My family is spread out between Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Nebraska, and majority in Kansas(where I’m from). It’ll just be close friends and whatever family wants to come.
Of course, most of the people attending will be from the KY area. I doubt that much of my family will go, even though out of my cousins, I’ll only be the 3rd to get married(and I’m one of the younger ones). There will surely be talk amongst my aunts, complaining about having to travel. At least I know my 2 closest friends, sister, and cousin will attend, they have to, they’re in the wedding party, Haha.
It won’t be hard on me being around his family more. I love most every one of his relatives. From the moment they met me, they were more than friendly. They treated me like I was from right down the road, not 1,000 miles away.
I thought long and hard on where I wanted to get married, afraid of what people would say. Everyone has a few relatives that will find something to complain about. I realized that the people who really care about us will show, and don’t sweat the rest of them.