family jealousy is so annoying, i mean really? so over this

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

“Marriage doesn’t suit” who the hell says that?

Honestly, weddings bring out the worst out of people. My example? I got engaged and my lovely SIL announced a few weeks that she was going to throw a lavish vow renewal and then during our JOP ceremony, she asked if I was going to use black and red at my church ceremony because “those were her colors.” (No one owns colors.) We later had a small vow renewal WITHOUT the drama at the beach because fuck it. I couldn’t deal with so much drama.

I know it hurts. The petty comments seem so hurtful and just…ugh, but just remember that the best thing you can do is to be the happiest you can be, be happy in their happy moments because you rise above that pettiness.

Post # 3
Member
1618 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sometimes people just suck. I don’t understand why people feel the need to put others down. 

Last Christmas my dd was only 7 weeks old and that was the first time my dad’s side of the family met her. Nobody even looked up to see my dd, nobody said a word about her. It was like she wasn’t even there. I spent the whole time in my grandma’s room crying and I haven’t spoken to any of them since. My dad spoke to his mom and brother and sister and it turns out they were jelous. My aunts and uncles were jealous that they didn’t have grandkids and my cousins (two girls) were jealous that they wern’t married let alone had a baby. We decided we don’t want people like that in our lives and we only speak to my grandma now. 

Life is too short to have negative people around. 

Post # 4
Member
3713 posts
Sugar bee

Last summer, after the 2nd of his kids got married, my 63 year old BIL – talking like a 13 year old girl, BTW – wrote on his very public F/B; ” 2 nieces spent X0k each, because their Mom is trying to impress — obvious &  stale events-phony.”  (The 2 nieces he was referring to are my daughters and he was wrong with the “X0,” anyway).

My daughter, whose wedding was last year was extremely hurt, because everyone else told her how fabulous her wedding was. My daughter, whose wedding didn’t even occur until after the comments were made, was furious, along with my husband and myself. I didn’t say one word to him, at the 2nd wedding, and expect to never say one word to him, ever again.

Heck, it’s not like we asked to borrow an advance on the inheritance from my MIL, or asked for a gift from her, to pay for the weddings, that he didn’t get. And I can’t help it if he wasn’t a good host (my daughter said that at his daughter’s wedding, the cookies an aunt made were the only thing that tasted good). And WTH is a stale/phony event anyway? Is it because we had sit-down dinners, with band, instead of buffets/DJs, like his kids did?

Who cares? except for those with petty jealousies. As I always say “Ignorance is bliss!”

P.S. and although he had to fly 2.5 hours to get there, and stay in a hotel for 2 nights, the BIL left my daughter’s wedding 1.5 hours early (taking the bride’s grandmother with them), because “his hearing aides were bothering him, becaue of the band.” Well then, turn them down or off or take them out; one of my cousin’s remarked that she had 2 hearing aides and loved the band – she was shocked at his rudeness.

Post # 5
Member
3560 posts
Sugar bee

MrsKay23Nov:  i would just focus on your future and ignore them.  they’re clearly acting like they’re still five.  What do your parents think?  Are they supportive?  Honestly those are the mosti mportant people you should worry about.  It’s clear that your family can’t be happy and mature about this, I would just ignore them and try to focus on what’s about ot happen in your life.

Post # 7
Member
4596 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

MrsKay23Nov:  When DH and I got engaged, his SIL did not congratulate either of us that day (or anytime after). Then that evening, while we were at a hockey game with friends and family, she made a rude comment about how it was unfair that we got an open bar paid for by DH’s dad. Her words were worse, but really uncalled for. They said she did it cos she was jealous of not being the one getting the attention.

Unfortunately, there will always be someone to rain on your parade.

Post # 8
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

So sorry you have to go through this. I am getting married December 26th and my own mother has yet to give me an answer as to whether she will attend our not. My sister is worse…she’s incredibly jealous and upset that as the older sister she is not married yet. Regardless, you deserve to have people at your wedding that are there to support you. I know that that is what I want…even if it comes down to not having certain family members there. Hopefully, one day they will realize what they’ve done. I wish you all the best!!! 

Post # 9
Member
6518 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m not really seeing how your cousin having a lavish birthday party or your aunt’s comments means that they’re all “jealous” of you.

If anything, it sounds like they might just not approve of you being engaged. Are there reasons for them not to be over-the-moon about it? How long were you and your FI together before he proposed? Have they gotten a chance to get to know him well? There are tons of reasons why they just might not be comfortable with the circumstances of you getting married — it’s not necessarily jealousy.

Post # 10
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

MrsKay23Nov:  To me it sounds like you are jealous that your cousin had a birthday party when you felt everyone should be fawning over you and your engagement. I typically find that the people crying “everyone is jealous” are usually the green eyed monster who can’t be happy for anyone else.

It sounds like your Aunt doesn’t support your marriage. I certainly would never expect someone who doesn’t support my actions to congratulate me on them.

Maybe you need to stop spending so much thought on what other people say/do and spend that energy enjoying your engagement.

Post # 11
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Nobody is jealous of you.  The fact of the matter is that nobody cares about your engagement or wedding as much as you do.

Post # 12
Member
8071 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I dunno sometimes people really are jealous.

I have an aunt who was rude and dismissive when I saw her post-engagement and it really disappointed me- but she is in a really shitty run of life right now and is pretty bitter in general. She’s not capable of being happy for others because she’s not happy. Not direct jealousy but just not into others joy. You just gotta brush it off and have compassion and appreciate the bridal ego check.

Post # 13
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

People can be so strange.  Why would she tell you to use her birthday party for inspiration? Wtf? Weirdo. 

Post # 15
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Calling someone out for their jealousy does not mean that you, yourself, are the jealous one. That’s a B.S. line people recite to silence and deflect… and it’s completely indescriminate to circumstance. Sadly, I come from a very jealous and competitive family dynamic myself. I’ve been guilted into bearing other people’s unfair, jealous antics silently for years. It’s nonsense, and you have to stand up to it (most-effectively by not allowing these bitter people to hold an active place in your life, and by IGNORING the HELL out of their attempts to belittle you in any way).

Yes, there is a time to ask yourself if you’re part of the problem. Beyond that, there really are a lot of bitter people out there who will be threatened by your happiness and who just want to cut you down (because they think it will make them feel better). It won’t, actually, which means that after they’ve hurt you they’re often apt to KEEP TRYING.

Shut them out. They don’t deserve a place in your life, and their petty stunts and remarks don’t deserve to take up space in your mind.

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