Post # 1
I needed to do a little venting, Also I would like to know what the proper etiquette in this situation would be.
So I am getting married next year. I have already finished my guest list (Leaving room for anyone important we might meet along the way that we want to invite) I have an A list and a B list. We are paying for the whole wedding on our own (No help from family and no one has even offered to help), we are kind of upset about this because my parents do have money, but wont help and his brother got married in January 2010 and his mom threw all kinds of parites for them and helped pay for the wedding. We got over the fact that no one would be helping us though and came up with a budget we knew we could afford we then reserved out venue and came up with a guest list that fit the budget and since we have a minimum of 110 and most people will be traveling we have a B list just to be safe.
Yesterday we had a birthday party to go to for one of his family friends and his mother decides to start inviting everyone there. Anyone who asked about the wedding she automatically invited them. All these people then came over to us to ask for wedding details and all. Then said they cannot wait for it and will be waiting for an invite. I know she also plans on iviting a coworker of hers who I absolutely HATE. I know his siblings and family friends feel the same way about her, but they are always nice to her anyways.
I feel this is getting out of hand and I am not sure what the proper etiqutte would be in this situation. I do not have enough money to pay for all these people. FI and I are both students I work part-time and he works full-time, and we do not have tons of money to spend so people we have never met, do not like, or havent seen since we were 5 can eat. I wanted this day to be shared with only our most special family and friends who love and care about us.
Like my mom said the other day, eloping is looking pretty good right now!
Post # 3
Time for FI to step up and tell her that unless she’s paying for all of those people, they will not be in attendance!
Post # 4
Don’t send an invite. Unless YOU invited them, it’s not an invitation.
Post # 5
Ah. I had this problem also. Fi’s mom was inviting family friends and we were like hold up we can’t afford all these people, then she offered to help pay and everything was great! Then she invited her hairdresser, I wasn’t as annoyed as my fi was, he pulled her aside and said I appreciate your help but this is our wedding and were only inviting people WE are close to. She totally understood, it’s been great since and they’re still helping us pay for the wedding. Just tell ur fmil that you guys are on a budget seeing as how no one will be helping out and that with a smaller budget there are only certain people you can afford to invite. Either she offers to help or backs off.. Win win either way 🙂
Post # 6
@MrsRichard: Oh god I wish it was that easy for us! I envy you right now. My FI is “scared” of his mom if he says no to her she will put him through a guilt trip and then go talk badly about him to everyone, and she will do the same for me. When someone else has an event or a party she thinks it is also her event or party and takes it upon herself to try and control everything.
I already had a chat with her a few weeks ago that we made our guest list so that it stays within out budget, and she asked to look over it because there were probably some of her friends and family we forgot =|
We already asked family to help us pay and they either ignored us or said they don’t have the money. No one has money, but everyone has plenty of people they want to invite. I’m just worried when we have to see these people and they ask where their invite was or if they get offended because she said they could come.
Post # 7
@thefuturemrsD: ugh! That sucks. Well, you just send invites to who is on your list and if they ask where their invite is just politely tell them that you would have loved to have them there, but that you have unfortunately already met the limit for your venue! They can’t argue with that! I hope lol
Post # 8
Just don’t send them an invite.
Given how dense she’s been about this, I would flat out say, “The caterer is charging us $X per plate. We’ve budgeted X amount for catering, and we’re already at that number. If you’d like your friends to be there, then you’ll have to contribute the extra money.”
Post # 9
You just need to sit her down and explain to her that you can’t pay for all these people and that as much as you wish everyone could come, it is just infeasable. It is your wedding and you have the say as to who comes and who doesn’t!
Why don’t you give her a certain number of people she can invite and tell her if she goes over this, she WILL be paying the extra.