Family making me question my choice….

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@MsGinkgo:  People just say rude things and your step mom can’t speak for your cousins/aunts/uncles etc. I’m sure your family will be understanding. Some people just like to nit pick and find SOMETHING wrong with what you’re doing, it’s like a hobby for them. When it comes down to it your family will come!!

Like you said they can make a vacation out of it if they want to. I see nothing surprising about a couple getting married where they live, even if family has to travel. Happens all the time.

Post # 4
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

@MsGinkgo:  Awh I am sorry. That was rude of her! How far in advance are you sending the RSVPs? Have you talked to other family members?

Post # 5
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

Well, she could have put that a bit more nicely, couldn’t she?

I’ve gone through 2 weddings, had 3 daughters go down the aisle (and I am seriously waiting for the phonecall from the 4th, that he asked and she said yes!!).  Anyhoo – when it comes to picking the venue  you have to ask yourselves what choices give you what you want.  It isn’t that there is only one right answer, it is “did you pick the venue that will give you the results you want?”

If so many of your family won’t be able to attend, are you okay with that or will that have a really negative effect on you on your wedding day?  If you are cool with it then you have chosen the right venue.  If you just can’t get over all these people not being able to attend then maybe you guys should rethink your location.

I know it is hard to please everyone, and you CAN’T!  But you should do your best to make choices that will give you the results you want.  Ask yourselves what kind of travel costs these people will incur.  Do they travel a lot?  Do they have decent jobs?  I have a brother who just doesn’t make very much money and he lives quite far away.  He has not been able to attend my girls’ weddings, but that’s ok.  We understand.

Do you feel that you have made the best choice all around?  Only you and FI can know that for sure.

Post # 7
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

It can’t be an awful day because you’re marrying the love of your life.  I understand that it may be difficult for folks to travel, but they will have to make the decision themselves.  You can’t plan your whole wedding around what your mother wants.  And, BTW, this may be an indication that your step-mum is going to try to run the show.  Tell her to mind her own business.

FI has lived in several different places in ON, and his family is all up near North Bay, but we’re getting married in Kentucky, because that’s where we make our home.  It’s unfortunate, but his grandparents (ages 87/85/85) are not going to be able to attend because they can’t travel that far.  So we’ll see them on the next trip to the Great North. 

Post # 9
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MsGinkgo:  You will never be able to please everyone. No matter what you decide, someone is going to be unhappy about it. As such, I think you need to make the best decision for you and your FI given that it’s your wedding while still taking your guests into account (which you have done). Sometimes people have unreasonable expectations but that doesn’t mean you need to meet them.

Post # 11
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

@MsGinkgo:  It sounds like you took everyone into consideration when you chose your venue.  I’ll just give you a word of advice.  If it is helpful, then great.  If not, just ignore it.

Weddings do NOT change anyone in the family just because someone is getting married.  If people can be jerks, sometimes weddings offer them bigger opportunities to be jerks and they like that.  They can only affect you if you CHOOSE to let them get to you.  You know you have made your choice and considered everyone’s ability to get there.  If some of them go off on their jerk routine, choose not to let it bother you and enjoy your wedding.  You can’t control how someone else reacts, but you sure can choose how YOU react to them.

I have some jerks in my universe too.  Once I quit letting them get to me, they seemed a whole lot less jerky.

Good luck in your planning.

Post # 13
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MsGinkgo:  When FI and I were first planning our wedding we lived in Orlando, Florida (where Disney World is). But we’re having our wedding in New Jersey, because it will be closer to both sides of our family (and we actually ended up relocating here for work). My mom told my aunt that the wedding was going to be in New Jersey and she said “Oh, really? The kids were really looking forward to a Disney trip.” You can’t win with family.

Post # 14
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

@MsGinkgo: I really do hope most can make it and for those who can not I’m sure they send you best wishes.

Family can be wonderful or a pain in your butt. You can pick your friends, pick your clothes and even pick your nose, but not your family. You are already so kind for thinking of everyone, and that’s what counts. Enjoy your wedding and try to not let anyone bring you down. Smile

Post # 15
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@MsGinkgo:  i feel your pain! my so and i are also from two different provinces, met in a third and now we live in europe – eeps! so we’re dealing with the same issues as we discuss our wedding. 

 

don’t let people bully you – as long as you’re doing the best you can to ensure that things are as fair as possible and that it’s the best of the ‘none are ideal’ options then stick to your plan. 

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