- 6 years ago
Hey ladies, gotta vent to you
This is going to seems so obnoxiously complicated but here goes.
SO and I went home for my sister’s college graduation. Now, a little back story; my SO and my parents are on good terms. Infact, all things considered, they adore him. The only ‘wedge’ between them might be that my parents are more conservative than he is. We have been dating for 2 years and are both 25 (so not terribly long, and relatively young). I would say that I’m in the waiting phase because I’m ready for the next step and I (felt) that the next step was soon, so dont feel terribly anxious about it just yet. SO and I have had a few discussions about marriage but he seems a bit more whatever about the subject (Ive gotten the, ‘im going to surprise you’ and ‘I dont want to ruin the surprise’ stuff). Last time I checked, he wanted to attend grad school before marriage. I’ll admit, this sort of bothered me (in another post, I wrote about how he wanted to travel abroad for school, but thats a bit unrelated to this). In short, we are going through some life changes and things are a bit fuzzy at the moment.
Anyway, problem I wanted to discuss. SO and I went home and attended my sister’s grad party. Well, my parents hosted a party and everyone was having a great time until dinner happened. One of the neighbors that I havent seen in a while started asking SO and I questions about how things are going, living situation, new city, blah blah blah. And SO mentioned we were planning on renewing our lease for a 3rd year. Then, out of no where my dad says casually, “Renewing the lease for a 3rd year? What’s going on with you two? At some point it would be nice to be able to call you son-in-law instead of my daughter’s roommate” (my parents arent thrilled I live with my bf… again, its the conservative thing). Apparently, SO did NOT like being called a ‘roommate’ by my dad, no matter how funny I think my dad was attempting to be so he decided to respond with “well, I happen to love, cherish and honor my ‘roommate’ and that should be all that matters’
The room falls silent; then dad says ” I get the love part, I get the cherish part. However, I do not see the honor part. If you want to honor my daughter you do the right thing and promise her a future instead of stringing her along for 2 years and even dragging her across the world for YOUR schooling and YOUR life. You expect her to pay your bills and put a roof over your head while you study then be a man and honor her properly”
Oh sh*t. SO STOMPS out of the room furious. I follow him outside and he starts yelling about how my dad has no right to comment on his motives or his life and just because he ‘hasnt put any real thought into marriage’ (by the way, I practically choked when he said this…) its none of anyones business. He then went onto say, “just because of that, I’m not going to propose for another 10 years. They can just deal with us ‘living in sin’ or whatever the f* they think we are doing”
I’m not going to lie… I cried. A lot. I am soooo conflicted; from both sides. Perhaps my dad shouldnt have said that. Perhaps SO shouldnt have lost his cool. But between being called a roommate, having a meltdown in front of everybody and then finding out that SO apparently has put ‘no real thought into marriage’ and ‘will propose in 10 years out of spite of my parents’… omg, the knots that form in my stomach just thinking about this whole mess, gross.
Sorry that was long. Im not sure what the point was of this post. Maybe since this is just such a weird situation, seeking advice, or venting or whatever to people so far removed from the situation might be more helpful. My dad has since apologized and said he might have had too much champagne, but SO is still kind of pissy about it and the rest of the fam has their opinions about what happened now. Eitherway, thanks for reading. 🙁