If I’m being honest, I’d rather have Addie in daycare than have her watched by a family member. If you seemed more leaning toward the family member option, I would keep out of this thread, but since it sounds like you’re leaning more toward the daycare option, here’s my feelings.
There’s the jealousy thing you talked about: yes, I would totally be jealous that my mom, sister, SIL, etc… gets to spend all day with my daughter while I’m at work, especially since Addie would presumably see her caregiver outside of “work” hours. It’s harder to draw the line of “parent” and “caregiver” when the caregiver is around nights/weekends/special events/etc…
Also, I think it would be a lot harder to communicate your wants. If you are employing someone to care for your child, you get to dictate the care. If a family member were watching Addie, and we disagreed on some parenting choice (e.g. my sister spanks my nephew, I won’t spank Addie), even if she “gave in” I would worry that she wouldn’t be doing things my way. At daycare, I know exactly how Addie is being cared for because our provider has written rules/policies/procedures/etc… and if I don’t like it, I can take my business elsewhere without worrying about hurting a personal relationship.
It works the other way around, too. I have a SAHM friend who was watching a friend’s daughter for a ridicuolously low amount of money. She finally decided she needed to ask for more money in order to make the situation work for her, and now the friendship is non-existant. Having a close personal relationship with your employee/employer complicates the business side of things.
Finally, I love our daycare. Addie does way more at daycare than she could/would if a family member were watching her. She gets socialization from the other kids, they go on field trips, they have party days, they do a ton of crafting activities, they have “guest speakers,” etc… Plus, our day care provider is way more educated on child development and on early childhood eduation than any of my family members.
Our day care provider cares for/loves Addie just as much as a family member would, but it’s in a more controlled enviorment. It’s a business-relationship: she’s the professional and I’m the mom, and I prefer it that way.