Post # 1
I have been engaged less than two weeks and I am already having some issues with family members. The day after my engagement my cousin called to congratulate me. It was a nice conversation up until the point where he called me a copycat for stating I wanted my wedding party to wear cowboy boots. I then explained to him that I have dreamt of a rustic/country barn wedding since I can remeber. The conversation continued and he started talking about his future wedding plans.
Now, fast forward to last night; my aunt, his mother, called my grandma and started telling her how my cousin is going to a wedding this weekend at a Ranch and he has spoken with the owner and the owner has agreed to let him get married there for a really good price. My aunt then continued to tell my grandma not to say anything because my cousin is going to surprise his SO with the information.
I am sure my feelings seem a bit petty, but I would like to point out that my cousin isn’t even engaged yet. I just feel like him and his mother are taking my moment and trying to call “dibs” on wedding ideas, venues, plans, etc.
I am really trying not to let it bother me, but these two have a history of turning everything into a competition. I don’t want to feel like my wedding plans are being judged and competed with. I just want to enjoy this time and plan the day I have always dreamt of.
Has anyone else ever had this problem? Do you think I am overreacting? Any advice or words of wisdom would be much appreciated.
Thank you 🙂
Post # 2
NotSoPatientlyWaiting: Stop discussing your wedding plans with them or anyone who would share with them.
Anytime the topic comes up, be non-commital “We haven’t finalized that yet”.
Post # 3
I would refuse to talk about wedding plans with anyone who would share them with him, and also ask that no one tell his wedding plans to you. Then anything that is similar will be pure coincidence.
edit to add: his fiancé may have her own ideas of what to do with their wedding, just saying. If they are not engaged yet it is a bit beforehand for him to be booking venues.
Post # 4
NotSoPatientlyWaiting: agree with the others, don’t tell your relatives your plans, and proceed the way you want.
Post # 5
If they don’t know your plans, they can’t gripe about them!
It is absolutely possible that your aunt and cousin are raining on your parade, so to speak. But, I think it may be more likely that he is close to proposing, perhaps he and his future wife have also discussed a rustic wedding, and his mother has maybe been quietly helping him/them by sort of “pre planning”. Maybe she’s just trying to make sure her son has a good venue, and sort of discouraging you from any ideas they have already thought about so both weddings won’t be too similar?
Also, keep in mind that to her, her son’s wedding will always take precedence over yours. I wouldn’t worry about any of it. Plan what you like, and don’t give any details!
Post # 6
NotSoPatientlyWaiting: Definitely just stop discussing your wedding plans with anyone who is going to turn it into a competition. Book whatever you want, whenever you want. Don’t tell anyone where it’s taking place until the invites go out. One does not get to call dibs when they are not even engaged!
Post # 7
How is he competing with you if he’s planning his wedding and keeping the plans to himself, as he isn’t yet engaged? It sounds like your grandmother is causing the drama, as she was specifically told not to tell anyone.
Post # 8
julies1949: I have only been discussing my plans with those who are involved (i.e. my fiance, future bridesmaids, etc.) The cowboy boot comment was made after he asked about the time frame we were looking at. I made a brief statement about a two year engagement because we would like our wedding party to have cowboy boots and they arent’t cheap so we want to leave time for them to save as well as ourselves. I do like your suggestion about letting them know nothing is finalized yet.
af123: He is definitely close to proposing and I honestly couldn’t be happier, his girlfriend is amazing and I could care less if they have the same theme or similarities. I just don’t like the snooty comments. I also wouldn’t feel as though they are making this a competition if they haven’t done with everything else. For as long as I can remember my aunt and cousin have tried making everything a competition from who is the better driver to who has the better grades and anything else.
weatherbug: I couldn’t agree more, dibs is a bit childish. Like I mentioned before, the only people who are being informed with wedding plans are those that are involved.
sara_tiara: He hasn’t kept the plans to himself. When he called to congratulate me he started talking about all his wedding plans and how I am copying him even though it was the first I had ever heard him talk about a wedding and he isn’t even engaged. I wouldn’t say my grandma was causing drama because I was at her house visiting when this phone call happened. The reason it is bothersome is because my aunt and cousin talk to my grandmother and myself often and none of these wedding plans were ever mentioned until after I got engaged.
Thank you all for the advice and I will be sure to keep my plans as private as possible. I am honestly just so excited to be planning my wedding that I don’t want to feel like my wedding is being entered into a competition. Every couple is unique and a wedding is a reflection of that relationship and I don’t feel as though a wedding or a relationship should be up for judgement or competition. To each their own.
Post # 9
NotSoPatientlyWaiting: The first piece of advice my sister (who is my Maid/Matron of Honor and got married the same year as our oldest sister and almost all of her friends) said keep your wedding plans to yourself.