Family member upset about not being invited to the shower

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If you give in now, you know they will throw a fit again when cousin A is not invited to the wedding. Stand your ground now or deal with this mess again later.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  BradysBee.
Post # 3
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

kittenbee:  Does the uncle know that she is not invited to the wedding?

Post # 5
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

kittenbee:  Try to talk to your uncle. Try toexplain the reasons why she’s not invited. If he still insists, then you have to think hard whether you are going to keep the family peace and invite her or inssit and potentially ruin the relationship for years….. So sorry it happened to you!!!

PS I would looove to have that many cousins that I would have to ‘filter’ them out. :o)

Post # 6
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

kittenbee:  If he knows she is not invited to the wedding, he may not be aware that current etiquette dictates that she not be innvited to the shower. Talk to him, tell him that’s why she wasn’t invited, but if he wants her to come, you have no problems in asking the hostesses to extend an invitation.

Post # 9
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I do think you really set yourself up for hard feelings when you invited one sibling and not the other. Especially when both sisters are adults. I don’t know too many people who would not find that one a bit hard to justify. I would have done all cousins or none. 

Post # 10
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

+1000 weddingmaven

Post # 11
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

weddingmaven:  regardles though, something would ahve to be justified. In the scenario you would choose people would ask why friends are invited but not cousins who have probably known you since birth.

There is no hard and fast rule that works for everyone

Talking to your uncle is the best bet OP. Especially since men don’t really follow etiquette or know that its rude to invite to the shower but not to the wedding

Post # 12
Member
3707 posts
Sugar bee

Can you do 18 and up?  A lot of people do 18 and up or 21 and up, whatever the drinking age is, for the venue, since many charge the full-adult rate, whether guests are permitted to drink, or not.

Post # 13
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I think you have a good plan. I’m assuming he doesn’t know it’s rude to invite to the shower if not invited to the wedding. Let us know how the conversation went.

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