- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
so….i found out recently that my sister is not only bi sexual in an open relationship but they are poly amorous with a “poly family” that makes her feel “more loved than she ever felt”
BUT, they are also into BDSM (think 50 shades times 100000000000)
I found this out from a mutual friend….apparently my sister felt comfortable telling her this on a social media site, and my poor friend (more friends with me than my sis) had a hard time holding this in….understandably since my sister is engaged to the guy she is having a poly relationship with….
SOOO, i did some checking…she had told me of a site she was before, so I went on and found her, her FI and all (the other 3 people) they are in a relationship with…
Don’t get me wrong, I really don’t care about people’s lifestyles…gay, straight, bi, poly, whatever….makes no difference to me….but I’m trying to figure out 2 people out of 5 getting married in a poly relationship (apparently they are all in love with each other, it’s not just sex)
also, my sister does not work, is on disability because of a pain disorder…fine, but how do you have a pain disorder and do BDSM? (there are pics of her with bruises on this website….) When she complains of me just touching her and she can be beaten to that extent I find something FISHY with that (um using governemtn much?)
but today took the cake…..I have NOT said a thing to our mother….and she asked me today…apparently my sister has said enough to her that she figure it out…..things about her gf , a device they bought for their “game room” and how someone is working on their “game room”……(no, it’s not for board games)…..and has told my mother OTHER things (like dating other guys/women, having the guy work on their “game room” and buying her gf a sex toy)
they also rent this house, and ONLY got it because it was a friend of my dad’s that is the landlord……and now they are putting in permanent (i saw some pics on the website) things with hooks for chains etc….)
They do live out the BDSM lifestyle…a lot of things with the way they are makes sense to me now…my sister is not allowed to answer the phone when he is home…on the website it said there are rules and he punishes as he sees fit….there are other things that just are strange…..she doesn’t go out when he’s home, she has to be there waiting with a hot meal when he gets home….it’s increased to this degree in the past maybe year…..I noticed a difference…she used to go out all the time, then suddenly it was all “oh he’s home so I have to be there”
The things I worry about is:
1) my sister has mental health issues…she sees a pychiatrist
2) she has a “pain disorder”…did this cause it or make it worse?
3) apparently she has no appetite and throws up all the time…this sounds to me like guilt/anxiety (i get it when my anxiety peaks)…..but she saw a doctor who thinks it is something else…we will see when the tests come through
4) i worry that this is an easy way to hide abusive behaviour….my FI would NEVER be allowed to give me a rule like “no answering the telephone” then beating me if I did….F that!!!!!!!! I know she’s been in abusive relationships before…..and I think her self esteem is at an all time low….
I am not sure how to compute this…..I don’t have an issue with the BDSM lifestyle, or polygymy really…BUT, she has cut herself off from EVERYONE ELSE who is not in this lifestyle…..she has nothing else, no work, no hobbies, nothing that gets her away from inside of this…..I never see her anymore….
am i right to think this is an abusive relationship gone wrong? they’ve been together a long time (about 5 or 6 years)….I knew they liked it kinky….i get that, but rules and punishment are going far…..(the other people don’t matter except they expect the parents to pay for their 2-yes 2- weddings that they want…..)
I can’t DO anything….our mutual friend is worried that she’ll be found out….but is appalled that my mother came to ME with information…..so that might change…..and me thinking that abuse is more of an aspect than BDSM (especially with my sister since she has mental health issues)
I just really don’t know what i can do….i’m assuming not much….she won’t listen if i come to her…..i did google her name and found a lot of info that way though…so she is not hiding it well….