Post # 1
Bees, I have suddenly just reached my limit. I ignored and ignored and it finally I’ve had enough. My FI is a GREAT person. He is kind, honest, everyone always likes him and he is fun and positive. He has all of the personal qualities I want in a SO. Well, he does not have a ton of money, he doesn’t always pay for everything and going on big fancy dates doesn’t happen. He doesn’t want to be a lawyer or a doctor or bust his hump to do something he will be miserable doing just to make money. I am totally cool with that. He is a PE teacher and coach and that is what he is good at. He has an undergrad as well as master’s degree and did well in both. He does extra work at school. I just don’t understand why they can’t be happy that I am happy with him as a PERSON, not what is in his wallet. Is anyone else dealing with this? How did you handle it?
Post # 3
Money in the long run doesn’t mean anything. Yes if he couldn’t pay his bills and was a couch hopper or something I could see why they might have issue but he isn’t. Relationships are not about money, they are about having a partnership with someone who supports and cares for you. Whether or not your family ever understands this doesn’t matter. Your happiness is not dictated by how many shiney things he can buy you and it makes the big things that do happen (after saving of course) that muchmore special. The more money you have the more life loses its luster to me. When you can just HAVE whatever you want whenever you want it loses some of its specialness.
Like I said as long as the necessities are taken care of nothing else matters other than you two are happy with eachother.
Edit: I took the first part of this out because it didn’t sound right or at all how I meant it.
Post # 4
Well, he does not have a ton of money, he doesn’t always pay for everything and going on big fancy dates doesn’t happen
awwwhhh im sorry honey that they are giving you a hard time over stuff that isnt important to some – for me, being married is about being a partner to him as well as him to me and that includes sometimes i pay for dinner or the movies – its how a partnership/supporting each other works, it cant be take all the time.
if it makes you feel any better my mom once accused my hubby of being cheap – ummm, 1, the guy owns half the street we live on plus other investments, has money in the bank and can retire yesterday and 2, he has never ever said no to me – its just that i dont ask for much, flowers and gifts dont mean as much to me as him telling me that he appreciated the dinner i made or that he enjoys us spending time together.
sounds like your FI is healthy, educated and employed – as long as he treats you well and you are happy try not to let the others expectations bring you down *hugs*
Post # 5
My husband doesn’t make much money and my father hates that I married a man who isn’t well off. It’s very sad, because I was not raised to be materialistic. Sure I would want my daughter to marry a financially secure person, but most of all I want her to be in LOVE with someone who treats her like gold.
Post # 6
I know firsthand how much that can really suck! (My FI isn’t even as well off as a PE teacher, so trust me, I know!)
But the important things are the way he treats you. As long as he treats you with respect, loves you, and is gainfully employed or struggling to get gainfully employed, that’s what matters.
My family think that my FI isn’t good enough for me, too and cite that he has no ambition. He actually does… just not what they would consider worthwhile! I screwed things up for myself by not wanting to bring him around much because of their negativity, and now they’re pissed because they don’t know him well. So… it’s a tough call. Personally, the next time he is insulted (it’s died down a lot but I’m sure to have a resurgance when I announce the engagement to my extended family), I have plans to say in a respectful tone “I love you so and so and respect you as a person. I hope that you can respect me as your such and such by speaking respectfully of my FI in my presence and his.” And if they still insult him, then walk out. Getting married means that you’re a package deal!
Post # 7
I’m sorry your family isnt being supportive and that’s what family is suppose to be for~I understand how you feel, I’m in a LDR with my SO for 1 1/2 years and the whole time I ge the same crap from my dad.
“hes cheating on you”, “you and him won’t last, just wait”, “yeah sure you guys will move in together HA”, “hes lieing to you about that”
I get more positive reactions from friends and people I only chat with on a rare occasion. I wish our family could just be happy for us and support us in our decisions! I really wish you the best in your relationship and I hope your family comes around!
*edit* Also I agree with other people, money isn’t everything! I lived on nothing and still enjoyed it. Someday it might not be that way. He will get his time in and you both will make more money and settle into a routine 🙂
Post # 8
@Corilee13: I completely agree when you said this: When you can just HAVE whatever you want whenever you want it loses some of its specialness.
@eloping: I think we are very similar in our relationships. FI and I like to split a lot of things 50/50 because it feels like a partnership. I don’t ask for much in the way of gifts, flowers, etc. either because that is not what matters to me.
@KatyElle: I agree with you completely. I have been telling my self they just want the best for me and all of that but it just seems like they care more about how much money he makes than the fact that I am actually happy.
@fearlessvalkyrie: Mine say my FI as no ambition also so I know how you feel! Just because he doesn’t want to do what they think will make a lot of money, he is not ambitious.
@Sigyn: I hear ya! Thank you for your support! Maybe our families will come around. 🙂