- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
Did you have to cut family members out of your life? How do you DO it? I never want to hurt people. Is it best to write them a letter, or just ignore them completely? If you are dealing with this in your life, how have you been able to make a break to help yourself?
I never want to hurt anyone, and I still love and care for these people. I am a problem solver, they are like a problem that I cannot help or change. It is hard for me. They do not have good relationships with anyone, they drain me, they hurt me, every single time. It is not worth it to me to put myself around them. They actual have mental illness, and it is so very hard to handle. I can never tell if they are hurting me on purpose, or if they cannot help themselves, but either way they are hurting me on purpose. They have a disorder where they like to hurt others.
I tried just limited contact, but it is never enough for them, they guilt me, tell me I am “suffering from my past,”(that it is just me) and other things. Blame me for not calling. They externalize everything. I hate being around them. I am a “live and let live” person who just likes to get along, but they like to fight and I always feel so much stress – I have never read a message or talked to them on the phone without crying after. Seeing them results in full-on screaming (them screaming at me) and saying things you should never say to anyone (but they say those things even when they are not upset).
They never listen to me, they never look out for me and one of them has purposely ruined my life in several ways (she has been in and out of mental hospitals and has a unique version of manic depression without the highs- just anger and lows with energy mixed in and she is sociopathic.) DH thinks it is fueled by jealousy. My mum had a baby and in front of others would reprimand me instead of the child (super weird things like that) when I was an adult in my 20s! She always treated me differently than my older two sisters (who are much like her) and my younger sister. I have always stayed calm and rational about it, but the truth is I don’t want to be around it anymore. They do the opposite of making me feel loved, secure, confident and independant.
How do you cut off contact? Just cut off contact? Thank you, I know this is heavy.