- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 2018
Hi everyone – I’m a regular poster here but going anonymous because my other account is strictly wedding related, and this is sort of personal. Also, I don’t want people judging me for money choices I may make later!
My parents have made a lot of financial mistakes. For example, my mom has a Master’s in Special Education, which she earned in 2004-05. She worked a couple years, made great money (becoming the majority breadwinner!) then found it too tiring and quit working altogether. She had a BA in accounting prior to that, and never used it.
My father is a straight up blue collar worker, who was a supervisor at a manufacturing plant, then got laid off in 2009. Up until recently, he was able to work contract jobs, getting a room/small apartment in another city and coming home every other weekend. Unfortunately, he was laid off almost a year ago and the unemployment he was receiving is about to end in a month and a half. They have been looking for jobs for him but haven’t been able to find anything yet and now they are cranking it up, looking for other options.
I’ve asked my mom to start working again and she always has some excuse or another. First, she wanted to focus on losing weight and she managed to lose 150lbs so that was a success, though she never hit her 200 lb goal. Then she told me today that her teaching license has lapsed and I asked what it took to get it going again, and she wasn’t sure, but said she needed to focus on getting my dad a job.
I think the real problem is that she never paid her loans from her Master’s and they have just extremely defaulted, to the point where they will garnish her wages if she does start working. Even if it’s only 15%, she doesn’t see working as worth it.
On top of this, my dad has an affinity for smoking pot, a fact that I’m sure isn’t lost on his employers (though he’s never explicitly been fired for this). And on top of THAT my parents have 5 large dogs. First there were 2 dogs, and my parents bred them with the intent of keeping one and selling the others. Unfortunately, the process was such a “trial” for my mom that she was only able to get rid of 3 of the 6 puppies. So, they ended up with 5 dogs. I begged my mom to sell at least 2 of the others, since, at this time, my dad was already jobless, but it didn’t happen.
The dogs are well cared for but 5 big dogs are expensive!
So, finally, here is my dilemna – I am planning a moderately expensive (25-30k range) wedding that my fiance and I are paying for ourselves. I never expected, nor received, any help from my parents. I’ve paid for everything I’ve wanted since I was 14, moved out when I was 18 and paid for my college. My parents haven’t asked me for money yet but they have no savings at all, no retirement, and from the discussion that we had today, I can tell that a request for a loan is not far behind. Unless my dad gets a job, of course.
My wedding is next June and my fiance and I have been scrimping and saving in order to pay for this. We need a bigger apartment, but we haven’t upgraded; we go to work everyday; and we’ve been declining invitations because we can’t afford it. I think my friends are tired of hearing, “I can’t go out! I have no money! Wedding!”
We’re already about 7k in the hole with deposits and everything so I don’t really want to call it off and forfeit our deposits, and elope. But at the same time, I don’t want my parents to lose their home! I can’t afford to float them for a few months AND pay off our vendors. Save the dates have been sent, so I can’t trim our guest list too much without some awkwardness. Plus I feel like I’ve made responsible decisions, why should I have to pay for my parents mistakes? And when will it end if I start now?
Help! I don’t see my dad getting a job in a month and a half and I don’t see my mom working again! I live seven hours away so can’t exactly MAKE them do what I want, besides exhausting myself over the phone. Has anyone been through a similar situation? Do I have to stop being a selfish brat and help them out?
FYI, I’m 26, my dad is 56 and my mom is 54.