Family Money Problems – VERY LONG – need advice

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: Give hard up parents money and forfeit wedding dreams?
    Don't give them money - they made their bed, let them lie in it : (23 votes)
    85 %
    Give them money but make rules that must be followed for the money (suggestions??) : (2 votes)
    7 %
    You have to give them money, whatever they need to live on, no questions asked : (2 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    I wouldn’t give them any money but I would on occasion drop by with some groceries and make sure they are aware of local resources and job fairs.  Obviously, they aren’t very responsible with money so handing over money is not going to help them in the long run.  If you feel you must you can directly pay for a utility bill here and there but I would only do electric and water, they shouldn’t have cell phones, internet or cable if they can’t afford it on their own.  They can use computers at the local library.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1067 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @beachbride1216:  this! 

    @anonibee2013:  this is a heartbreaking situation. I’m so sorry you’re going through it. I agree with PP though, just giving them money will not help them, or you. They unfortunately need to learn from their mistakes, without being bailed out of them.

    Post # 6
    Member
    36 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @anonibee2013:  Congrats to you for being so responsible starting at a very young age. If the situation was different and they could not help themselves, yes I would try to scale down my wedding and help them out but also sit down with them and offer suggestions to change their living habits (in a very nice way). Their situation though seems self inflicted and they do have an option to support them selves, and I think you would resent them if you had to sacrifice on the wedding of your dreams by helping them out. They have not actually asked for a loan so what I would do is mention in conversation how you had cut down on alot of stuff to pay for your wedding, just mention certain situations when you had to deny yourself some fun due to the cost of the wedding. I might be wrong, but if they knew there is no money they could borrow from you or crotch they could lean on, it might hurry their search for a job and they might change their lifestyle a bit. Hard situation, but I could not sacrifice my dream wedding for anyone that could help themselves, good luck

    Post # 8
    Member
    715 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    @anonibee2013:  

    “I feel like I’ve made responsible decisions, why should I have to pay for my parents mistakes? And when will it end if I start now?”
     
    You shouldn’t. Don’t ever start, because it will never end. Your parents both are living the life they’ve CHOSEN. You have choices. There is no reason on earth why you should feel guilted into helping those who choose not to help themselves, parents or otherwise. 
     
    Have your wedding, live a happy life. Let their example show you how NOT to waste your talents, resources, income, and future. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1112 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Don’t give them any money, because once you do, it opens the flood gates and it will never end.  I know it’s hard, but ppl sometimes have to hit rock bottom before they can pick themselves up.  Your mum really needs to step up and start working. She’s had three years since your dad was laid off to get back into it. 

     

    In life, you do what you gotta do! Evern if that means working in fast food or retail! And your mum is so much luckier than most to have a BA and a Masters! My mum just waitressed and worked retail her whole life and never got any education.  But she’s always had a job! Tell your parents to smarten up!

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    2546 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Don’t pay for them. It’s outrageous that your mom simply is not willing to work. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    3978 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Just because they’re family doesn’t mean you have to pay for their mistakes. Maybe do something nice for them a couple times a year (giftcard for groceries, gas, etc) but if you give them money 1) you will never see it again and 2) who is to say that money would go towards the essentials. It’s not worth your energy having to worry about that!

    Post # 13
    Member
    428 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    You said you were going to have a 25k – 30k wedding.  Anyway you can keep that to the 25k end and hold onto the extra 5k in case your parents really get into trouble?  I wouldn’t help them out just yet, but if they get in dire need, you’ll have the ability to help later if you choose to do so.

    Post # 14
    Member
    36 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @anonibee2013:  lol I didn’t even notice that one hah my bad

    Post # 16
    Member
    2076 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    In my experiences family and loans never go well. Don’t loan them any money you aren’t comfortable losing. While it’s very admirable that you want to help them out, the reality is that they are both able bodied adults with the backgrounds to obtain jobs. Good on you for being responsible. Your parents made choices and so have you and your fiancé. Don’t let your parents guilt you into giving up on your wedding. 

    Pay a small utility bill for them if you’re able to. I’d not recommend handing the money outright on the off chance they use it for something unnecessary instead of food or bills. Best of luck to you.  

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