Post # 1
I really just need to take a minute to vent. My wedding is a month away and it looks like no one from my mom’s side of the family is coming. She has 8 siblings as well as all of my cousins and it doesn’t look like any of them will be there. The wedding is about a half hour to an hour away from them. One sent the response stating that my aunt’s (by marriage) mother’s birthday is the same day. Another one who originally said their whole family would be there has now planned a vacation out of town the same week so they won’t be there. All of them have know about this for a year, most of them even expressed excitement of being at the wedding.
I am just confused and extremely hurt. I have always done everything in my power to attend all events for our family. I feel like this is there way of telling me that I am not important to them. I have racked my brain thinking I did something to make them mad but I can think of nothing.
Luckily it looks like my dad’s side will mostly be there. I only have a couple of close friends that I invited as well. Right now it is looking like maybe 20% of the guests in attendance will be there for me. This wouldn’t be a big deal, except for the fact that I am extremely introverted. I wanted a small quiet wedding but my fiance wanted extended family and friends as well so I agreed. Now the fact that I will be facing the day with mostly strangers in attendance has me beyond stressed out. I know I will just have to deal with it at this point, but I don’t know where to begin. Everytime I start thinking about it I get upset because of my mom’s side of the family. It has caused me to lose all motivation to finish planning the wedding which isn’t good considering how close we are to it.
Any advise from other introverts on how to handle this? Anyone had family do this to them?
This topic was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by jeaninpurple.
Post # 2
Well, my dear, I understand this feeling. I had something similar happen with my own, but remember that everyone there is there for you, no matter what side of the family they’re on. Now you’re one family, and even better, you know who is willing to go the distance for you. That’s not to say that your mom’s side doesn’t love you. I’m sure on the day of, you’ll be having such a fabulous time that you won’t even notice their absence… and they’ll probably regret missing it when they see your beautiful pictures :).
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB
I wanted to elope for this very reason. I am adopted and don’t really have an extended family or a lot of close friends. But he and his family wanted to a huge wedding, so that is what we having. I think maybe i have 20 guests out of 150. Yeah so my only advice you is to smile and be graceful. No one will really care how many guests you had there for you. and only one person’s attendance really matters anyway…THE GROOM!
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor
jeaninpurple: Aw sweetheart, I know how disappointing that is! No one from my dad’s side of the family could come to our wedding. I was pretty sad – mostly feeling bad for my dad, because our wedding was an important day to him too, and none of his family was there to celebrate with him.
I’m from Seattle, but I got married in Houston where my husband and I live. I have some friends here who we invited to our wedding, but 60-70% of the guests were his family, his friends, and his parents’ friends. Honestly, that really bothered me during the time leading up to our wedding. I wanted a really small intimate party, and we ended up having 130 guests attend!
BUT I will also tell you this… on our wedding day, none of that mattered. When I walked down the aisle with my dad, I felt so incredibly loved and supported by this whole crowd of people who came to celebrate our love. It didn’t matter whether they were on “my side” or “his side” – when you’re married, there’s no such thing as sides!! Marriage is a union, after all. The fact that his parents invited a lot of their friends, who I barely knew, had bothered me during our engagement, but on our wedding day, it was really like, the more the merrier! We greeted all of our guests during dinner, and we danced with a lot of different people on the dance floor, but there were large chunks of our wedding day where it felt like it was just the two of us – I only had eyes for him.
I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but things will be okay for you – I promise. It’s an honor that every single person is taking time out of their busy schedule to come celebrate you and your fiance, and I am sure that when your wedding day comes, you’ll be on cloud 9 and none of these other details or worries will bother you.
Post # 5
jeaninpurple: it makes you feel very bitter towards family members who let you down at such an important time, I know, as it’s happened to me. You feel as though so much time, energy and money has been wasted on something you tried to make so special!! I always attend family parties, etc, but no more!!
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2015 - Historic house and gardens
jeaninpurple: Don’t let it get to you too much. You will have an amazing day regardless of who makes it. I know it hurts, but they are the ones missing out, not you.
I am having only about 30 guests, but of that only 6 are my side. There are no extended family or any friends, just my parents and siblings (and partners). Honestly, I was worried at first, but then I remembered that FI will be by my side all dat, and that is all the support I need.
Take comfort in your FI on the day/night if you are feeling awkward. Let him know your worries and I’m sure he will make sure you are not uncomfortable.
Post # 7
I posted about this too a while ago. Apart from my cousin, who is one of my bridesmaids, and my immediate family, no one in my family (numerous aunts and uncles and cousins) is coming to my wedding. At the end of the day, your wedding day is not for other people, it’s for you and your future husband. Rather than focus on who is not coming, focus on who is – I’m sure you have other friends you love who will be there (I have other bees to thank for that sage advice) – and remember that at the end of the day, you’ll be starting your own family with your DH.