Post # 1
So I literally JUST got married and not even 1 month into the marriage we’ve been through the following:
1) My SIL and her family made bets as to when we would get pregnant. Nephew #1 said 6 months, Nephew #2 said 1 year, BIL said 2 years and SIL said 4 years (that’s more like it haha)
2) We made a family trip 2 weeks ago and the whole weekend everywhere we went they made comments regarding baby names… to the waitress “what’s your name? Marietta… Marietta see that can be my granddaughter’s name”… Walking by a street… Alexander Avenue… Alexander can be a nice name for a kid… (UUUGH)
3) I’m a middle child but first to get married… so my mom assumes I will be the first to give her grandchildren and everytime we talk or see eachother she brings up the fact that she’s the only one from her friends without grandchildren… “I’m getting old and have no grandchildren”, “I can’t wait until I have my little ones running around the house”, “I am going on a shopping spree when you get pregnant”
4) My SIL had 2 boys so my DH’s family is obsessed with us having a girl so that they can have their long awaited niece, granddaughter, cousin.. etc. I mean… imagine the pressure… And I know that when we do get pregnant the child will be loved… but I will know deep down that if it’s a boy… they will have a hole left for a girl…
The only one who doesn’t pressure me is my dad and he’s on board with us waiting a few years… having children is hard!
So as you see a lot of pressure. DH and I are on the same path that we want to pay our house and enjoy ourselves atleast 3 years before we start trying… I am 27 and I plan on celebrating my 30s childless… How can I say politely to stop pressuring us? I’ve said the following: “I have to let my big sister be first… it’s only natural haha”, “We will have a kid only if you pay for their EVERYTHING, clothes, school, etc”, I’m waiting to see if a doctor comes up with a formula to guarantee a girl”, “We are saving up”, “it’s too soon”
I know a few here must be getting this heat… How do you deal??
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@Mrs_O: I think you just need to be blunt. All of this sounds like it would make spending time with your family TERRIBLE!
Post # 4
I think you and DH just need to be straight with your families, next time they bring up names/grandchildren etc say “We have no immediate plans to have children and would like to stop talking about it”
If they keep brining it up just ignore them or make stupid comments back.
Alexander Ave… “Yeah that’s a great name for our next pet, or SIL’s next child.”
I don’t know why people think they have a right to talk about your reproduction after you get married like it’s their freaking decision and them being the only one without a grandchild means you are just going to give in and get pregnant…having a kid is LIFE CHANGING and if you aren’t ready yet then you aren’t ready. Ugh sorry this bugs me, people are so damn rude!
Post # 6
@Bazinga: Thank you! Yes, I tend to joke it off… and for now we just laugh about it… but I can’t imagine having to deal with that for 3 years…
Post # 7
One of the Bees had the BEST response.
When people asked her about TTC, she’d look down with a HEARTBROKEN look on her face, and change the subject.
Some of the other Bees have made REALLY gross unprotected sex jokes. Which I love, and would have used if we hadn’t TTC starting on the wedding night!
Post # 8
I’m getting this too, AND IM NOT EVEN MARRIED YET!!! it drives me nuts. fiance and I have discussed 5 years minimum until we have kids because we want to be sure we can afford kids, we want to be able to travel for a few years and a ton of other reasons, and my family(my aunts only) doesn’t respect that decision. My mom, dad and sisters totally understand where we are coming from, but I literally get a text from my aunt at least once a week talking about when we are gonna have babies, and it better be less then a year. I Tell her I’m not having a baby before I am married and she Says why not? So I explain my reasons and she still doesn’t understand. So lately I’ve just been ignoring her, then she will talk to fiancé about it and he will tell her the same ghing I said. When I tell her five years she tells me I am being unreasonable and she will be too old then…i totally understand where you are coming from! And the only thing that really worked for me was getting stern with her and telling her that it is our decision when to have kids and when we are ready we are ready and everttime she mentions anything baby I’m adding a year(that part was a joke lol)
Post # 9
Oh I also tell her to have her own kids. The weird part is my sister is preggo w her second child, so idk why she is acting like that
Post # 10
Honestly, I’d tell them all to fuck off. It’s not their business, you’ll get pregnant when you decide. Seriously, my words would be “fuck off”.
Post # 11
@Mrs_O: I am trying to put myself in your shoes. I am a waiting bee, nearlywed, so please take my advice with a grain of salt.
Wish I were married and trying for kids BAD. I have a FSIL (current SO’s SIL) who is always complaining about baby pressure from his family. Sometimes I wish she’d be quiet! It’s like her life is all about her and her wants and she is insensitive to the other girls in the family who want to be married and who want kids. All she cares about is her pressure that she is feeling, and just complains and never once even asks or mentions that there are OTHER women in the family waiting to get married and have kids as she is the first woman to marry into a family of all sons. 🙁 Even after SO and I get married, we know we don’t want kids right away, we want to enjoy being married and set a foundation. However, if the family wants to ask/tease/speculate about when we are having kids, I’d LOVE it and just play along. “I’d like to place a bet and get in on that action!” or “DH and I would prefer to have names that start with the letter J instead of M, haha”.
It’s all in good fun…..and just remember that some people would do anything to be in your shoes.
Post # 12
@BrandNewBride: +10000 on the heartbroken look!
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2
@BrandNewBride: I’m curious about the jokes!
Post # 14
I think you will just have to get used to it! Or as lia22 said, tell them to f off….or myabe more subtly.
When your single you get the question when are you going to find someone, when you find someone it turns to when are you getting married, and when you get married its when are the babies coming…..once you have produced I assume everyone looses interest in your life.
I had lots of ‘it will be you next’ everytime I got close to one of the babies at our wedding. MIL and Parents havent been too bad, luckily, though I know they cant wait and my parents think it should be sooner rather than later as we are both over 30.
Post # 15
I would not tolerate that. You have to make it clear that it’s not up for discussion. They need to MYOB.
Post # 16
@Mrs_O: Kudos to you for waiting for children! I wish I would have made the same plan! There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting time for yourself and new hubby before having a family of your own. I am 43, both kids are grown now, but I still wish I would have made a better plan. The only plus in being done with raisng my children is I am still fairly young, and still have many years for me.
As far as your family is concerned. You need to just be blunt with them. They are not going to be raising this child that they keep inquiring about.
Children are a blessing. And only you and your FH can determine when you are ready to make that commitment. Stick to your guns. You are on the right path by PLANNING a family!