Family offering to help but when you ask they act weird?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

“So basically I need a family member to pop in and make sure everything looks great and places a few small decor things there”

I think it’s about what you’re asking them to do. It might not seem like a big deal, but honestly, I wouldn’t want to be in charge of “making sure things look great”, because I don’t want to be responsible for the bride being disappointed or upset in case I miss something. I would guess your response on the oreos is different/better?

Post # 4
5351 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think they are responding without really thinking about how you are interpreting it. True, that doing tasks on the day of is not appealing which is why they are not chomping at the bit; but for your own sanity you do need to get a clear understanding of whom will be handeling what. 

For my wedding, my family pitched in and helped set up, but one of the very first things my mom said to me is “we need to make sure we have time to shower after setting up” – now I didn’t see this as her not being excited for my wedding, it was a legitimate concern. Through proper planning I created a schedule that ensured that all family members who were helping to set up would have time to shower, get ready, and be on time without being too rushed. 

Post # 7
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Barbiestylez:  Is the date on your profile correct? If so, it may just be too far away for your guests to be making really concrete plans for the day. I’m getting married next month and it’s only been in the last week or so that it starts to feel real for my bridesmaids/family/even myself! I think people will be much more willing to accept assignments once they’ve made their own plans for the day and it starts to feel more real. 

Post # 8
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Barbiestylez:  A lot of people say to let them know if you need any help, but not everyone actually means it. Maybe people are worried about setting things up wrong? That’s a big responsibility and they may not be confident to volunteer since there is so much pressure to make weddings “perfect.” Typically that set up is done by the day of coordinator- do you have one? If no one wants to do it (which seems to be the case), then I would pay someone to do it. I understand not wanting to set up the day of because you will be doing other things, but is there a reason you can’t do your own favors the whole week before? Instead of shoving the task into someone else, why don’t you head up the venture and ask your family to come over and help you do it? I think you would get a lot more volunteers and it would be fun. I’ve made chocolate covered Oreos- they are delicious!!

Post # 10
10883 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Barbiestylez:  Is it possible that they are misunderstanding your request? Until you clarified, I wasn’t sure if:

“I need someone to go to the venue early and make sure the bar is set up, the linens/tables are set up … ” meant that you were asking individuals actually to do these things instead of just ensuring that the venue’s staff had done them. 

For my own wedding, the situation was  very much like yours. My vendors did all of the work.  I was the one who had to check things when I arrived at 4 p.m. for my 6 p.m. wedding. 

However, for my DSD’s wedding, her parents and a large group of her family and friends did absolutely everything, including putting the rented table linens on the tables and the rented chair covers and sashes on the chairs, and decorating the centerpieces that her MOH had designed, setting up the card/gift table, etc. It was a lot more labor intensive, and they did all of of these things prior to getting themselves ready for the wedding.

If someone is misunderstanding the extent of the commitment he or she is being asked to make, that possibly could be why some of your family and friends have been hesitant to agree to take on the task.

Post # 12
1180 posts
Bumble bee

@Barbiestylez:  Have you considered hiring a day-off planner/coordinator to help you with all these things? That way you know everything will get done, and don’t have to deal with the frustration of less-than-helpful family.

Post # 14
3659 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’d go with a day-of coordinator. Totally worth the money if you can afford it, IMO.

When it comes to the favors, can you make the chocolate covered oreos yourself? How many guests are you expecting? Your FMIL might be overwhelmed if you have a large guest list.

Post # 16
1180 posts
Bumble bee

@Barbiestylez:  The cost of a day-of coordinator varies. We are paying $1,300 for the month before our wedding including day-of responsibilities. We don’t have any DIY, but if we did, she and her assistant would be helping with that too. Depending on what you need/where you live, the costs most be different. I’d start by looking at the wedding vendor sections/sites for recommendations, then reaching out for costs. 






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