(Closed) Family Politics: FSIL as bridesmaid

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

#1: Congratulations!

I find it interesting that your SO had/has a vision of the bridal party… when I asked mine if he’d like his sister in ours, he said it would be nice to ask her, but that she probably wouldn’t be interested because she has been a bridesmaid many times over.

Would a compromise work? I am a bridesmaid in a wedding next summer, and the bride really wanted her brother to be a groomsman, even though he’s in his mid-teens. She told her fiance that it was very important to her, and he agreed to do that for her… so long as his sister was a member of the bridal party. His sister is not interested in the wedding, planning, or parties, but she remains a bridal party member because of the groom.

If you went this route, and wanted one of your brothers in the wedding, you could approach it  by saying something like “I know that it means a lot for you to have your sister play an active role in our wedding, and I feel the same way about my brother”.

Post # 4
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t understand why he would expect/assume that his sister will stand up for you when he isn’t asking your brother(s)?

I suppose at the end of the day, you have to decide if this is a battle you want to fight based on how many bridesmaids you want and who else you want other than her.  

Perhaps if you don’t want her to be a BM, you could gently suggest another “important” role for her, like a reading during the ceremony, etc?

Post # 5
Member
2282 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If siblings are included in the wedding party, then ALL siblings are included in the wedding party. I agree that you should include FSIL, but your FI should absolutely include your brothers. Period. The only reason that FI and I aren’t including siblings is because we’re having a tiny wedding with only one attendant each, but if we went any bigger than that, then we’d both be having each others’ siblings – in our circle, it’s just expected.

Post # 7
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Remember that his family will become your family after you’re married and if his mom is difficult like you say then you’ll NEVER hear the end of this if you don’t use her as a bridesmaid.

Some battles are worth winning and others aren’t.  I am not one to give in to ANYONE if I don’t want to, but in this case I would just suck it up to not have to deal with the repercussions for possibly the remainder of my life.

Post # 8
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

How old is his sister??  Is she 16 and just SUPER excited to be in the wedding?  It is very awkward for you that they just decided this was happening.  Is your FI’s family paying for the wedding??

In all honesty, if it was just the MIL I would not have her be a part of it out of principal.  It is very unfair that they have decided this for you.  But because this is something important for your FI I would include her as long as he included one of your brothers in his bridal party.  

How many people are you having in the bridal party?? If you each add 1 family member (his sister and your brother) or each side it will still be balanced and you can still have the girls you want up there with you!

Post # 10
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Why is he so opposed to having your two brothers if you add his sister??  Then it will be three on each side which is a great number and everyone is happy??

Post # 12
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Honestly, don’t ask anyone yet.  And if people ask, just say “I haven’t decided yet.  It’s way too early.”  This is something that can be dealt with later. Plus, relationships can change a lot in 2 years.  A lot of people don’t recommend asking until 6 months to a year before the wedding.  It tends to bring less drama.

Post # 13
Member
511 posts
Busy bee

@Beachy83:  Your FMIL is right about the fact that your family is different! As your parents have chipped in the same amount of money and bought your dress, their wishes should be equally as important

If it were me, I’d let her be a bridesmaid and try not to let it bother you. However, I would have a chat with my FMIL (ideally your FI should but it sounds like he doesn’t stand up to her) and explain to her that you’re letting this happen but that you would appreciate it if she would treat you as the adult that you are and let you make decisions for yourself.

If your FI is having 5 attendants total, how about adding your brothers to your side of the party? Numbers are then even, and you’ve included your family as well!

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