Post # 1
I’ve only been engaged a little over a month and my family is already making me feel very pressured to do and have and wear things that I don’t want.
examples include; I don’t want veil, I’m wearing fun red Oxford heels under my dress, more relaxed reception and Ceremony. It’s been other various things but when I mention our plans, or things I want I get shriveled noses and rude comments and told I don’t know what I’m talking about. My mom and sister are very traditional and I’m just not.
I found my dress and I’m taking my family to see it tomorrow, I’m dreading the veil issue. To me veils are religious and formal and just not what I want. Don’t get my wrong, they are really pretty but not what I want. My mom is getting really aggressive insisting I have to have one.
Im really don’t good with pressure and tend to cave.
Any advice bees? I’m having really bad anxiety about it.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@hummingbirdkrista: Smile and nod at their suggestions then do what you want. Sometimes it’s best to keep less traditional plans a secret.
Post # 4
@hummingbirdkrista: I remember this conversation…
“Mom, is it your wedding?”
“But I’m the mother of the bride!”
“But you already had a wedding… right?”
“…But, but but!”
<Cue help from Dad>
No seriously… try to find compromises and ones you absolutely can’t compromise on, have the fight far enough out that everything gets resolved far before the wedding. There were things my mother wanted, that I didn’t, but I ended up using the concessions as leverage to talk her out of some things I really really didn’t want to do.
Post # 5
@hummingbirdkrista: Who’s paying for the wedding?
If you are, you don’t need to tell them anything. If your parents are, explain it is your wedding and you want to do it your way.
If I was in your situation I wouldn’t take family to see the dress at all, at least not until after I’d finalised it. Are they paying for the dress?
I did my wedding my way and I made some (small) mistakes. But they were *my* mistakes. (And far outweighed but the good choices I made). That is far better than looking back and saying, “I wish I hadn’t done what so-and-so said”.
Post # 6
its a little of both. I’m paying for some things and mom and dad are paying for some. I’m paying for my dress and everything though.
I feel bad but it’s like when we went dress shopping a week ago I felt so bullied. I don’t know how to say anything to them without coming off spoiled or bridezilla-y. 🙁
Post # 7
Hi dear! You might have to do what I ended up doing and just keep wedding plans to yourself. Bring a friend who is supportive and leave mom out. If she asks about something say “FI and I have already decided on this” or if they ask for something specific say “it’s a surprise you will see at the wedding!”
Post # 8
I agree that you may just want to keep certain things under wraps. I talked about certain things, but kept between myself/DH and a very select couple of others that our ceremony would be secular with a Celtic sauce. We have some very religious family members, people who tried to push for a church wedding, and I just did NOT want to hear it. I had to deal with some shit from FIL’s pastor, who was a total douche to me after I mentioned that our officiants did not come from a church, and that was more than enough commentary on the way that we were choosing to start our life together. I was pleasantly surprised that the person I was most worried about made no mention of the lack of prayer/God in our ceremony AND that she complimented it.
I also didn’t want to be the bride who only talks about her wedding, so I mostly didn’t really say anything.