Family pressure

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@hummingbirdkrista:  Smile and nod at their suggestions then do what you want.  Sometimes it’s best to keep less traditional plans a secret.

Post # 4
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@hummingbirdkrista:  I remember this conversation…

“Mom, is it your wedding?”

“But I’m the mother of the bride!”

“But you already had a wedding… right?”

“…But, but but!”

<Cue help from Dad>

Tears help.

No seriously… try to find compromises and ones you absolutely can’t compromise on, have the fight far enough out that everything gets resolved far before the wedding.  There were things my mother wanted, that I didn’t, but I ended up using the concessions as leverage to talk her out of some things I really really didn’t want to do.

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@hummingbirdkrista:  Who’s paying for the wedding?

If you are, you don’t need to tell them anything. If your parents are, explain it is your wedding and you want to do it your way.

If I was in your situation I wouldn’t take family to see the dress at all, at least not until after I’d finalised it. Are they paying for the dress?

I did my wedding my way and I made some (small) mistakes. But they were *my* mistakes. (And far outweighed but the good choices I made). That is far better than looking back and saying, “I wish I hadn’t done what so-and-so said”.

Post # 7
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Hi dear! You might have to do what I ended up doing and just keep wedding plans to yourself. Bring a friend who is supportive and leave mom out. If she asks about something say “FI and I have already decided on this” or if they ask for something specific say “it’s a surprise you will see at the wedding!”

Post # 8
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree that you may just want to keep certain things under wraps. I talked about certain things, but kept between myself/DH and a very select couple of others that our ceremony would be secular with a Celtic sauce. We have some very religious family members, people who tried to push for a church wedding, and I just did NOT want to hear it. I had to deal with some shit from FIL’s pastor, who was a total douche to me after I mentioned that our officiants did not come from a church, and that was more than enough commentary on the way that we were choosing to start our life together. I was pleasantly surprised that the person I was most worried about made no mention of the lack of prayer/God in our ceremony AND that she complimented it. 

I also didn’t want to be the bride who only talks about her wedding, so I mostly didn’t really say anything.

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