- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
Hi all! I haven’t been on here in so long! Since before my wedding over a year ago! Anyway, I don’t know if I’m posting to the right place or if anyone can help, but if you could try, I’d so much appreciate it! This is going to be pretty lengthy so I apologize in advance but if you stick with me, I could really use some advice. Thank you.
So, I met my now husband about 7 years ago and have never really gotten along with his family but things have only gotten worse over the years. We recently got sole custody of his daughter who had been abused and molested at her mother’s house and now has PTSD and reactive attachment disorder. She is very much a handful and because my husband works out of state for a month at a time then comes home for a week, goes back a month, etc., she’s been staying with his parents. I appreciate this because I cannot handle her myself, she’s very out of control and violent, and we have 2 very small daughters together, so I can’t handle all 3 without him. She went to a mental health facility for over a month and was caught by the nurses trying to “touch” her roommate. So that’s another reason I’m scared to have her here. My daughters are 3 and 4 years old and I can’t have her doing that to them.
So anyway, because she stays at DH’s parents’ house, they take that to mean that he doesn’t care about or love her and make sure to tell everyone that. In fact, FIL said that on facebook tonight for the whole world to see. DH works very hard for all of us over 1500 miles away just so he can make a living for us and make sure we have all we need. And they don’t care about that. They are constantly putting him down. Telling him he’s a bad father, a bad person, I’m a horrible wife and he can do better, I’m a fat stupid Mexican, they don’t love him as much as his sister and much more.
Now SIL is 21 years old, pregnant with her 3rd child in less than 3 years. All 3 kids have different dads, 2 out of 3 are in prison. And she got married in 2011 for ONE WEEK. She lives at home with the parents, lives off of them and welfare (I’m not putting anyone down who has kids with different dads or who needs welfare, she just abuses the system and I’m trying to show what kind of person she is. ) She refuses to work because she says one day she will find someone to support her, because that’s what MIL did. And she only recently just got her kids back CPS because they deemed her an unfit mother and took the kids away. She does drugs, never takes care of her kids, etc. And they call him and I bad parents. They say we need to be more like her, because she has her head on straight and is a good person/parent.
MIL has said to us they she doesn’t love our kids and is not a grandmother to them. She only loves SIL’s kids and my stepdaughter. She isn’t afraid to show that either and luckily my children are still too young to see how mean she is to them. I’m so angry right now that I can’t even think straight and I’m not giving all the details and can’t even remember all that goes on. Maybe this doesn’t sound bad but with something constantly happening every day, I don’t want to put up with it anymore. They have no pictures of him or our kids in their house. They even have pictures of the neighbors kids! MIL tells people she only has one child and sometimes she says she has two daughters when she’s referring to SIL’s friend. MIL went through my clothes and put in a box all the things she thought wouldn’t fit me, wrote “too small” on the box and told me I need to give them away because I’m too fat for them. She makes my kids feel bad sometimes because she ignores them when she sees them which isn’t very often and has told us she’d “rather not” see them.
We have tried to talk to them before and work on things but they just don’t want to. They think they never do anything wrong and it’s all us. My husband left for Alaska about 2 weeks ago and will be gone for a month working in the mines. The only thing they had to say to him was, “I want my truck back.” (They had parked it here and we weren’t even using it. They were free to get it when they wanted.) No safe trip, be careful, we love you, we’ll miss, NOTHING. Now maybe this is hard for me because I grew up in a very loving family and have always had and still have their love and support. They ask about DH every day wanting to know how he’s doing. And his parents have never tried to contact either of us. They are by our house all the time and never stop by. They came by a couple weeks ago before he left to pick up the truck and didn’t even get out of the car except to get in the truck because they didn’t feel like seeing him or the kids.
This has been going on for so long way before court and before stepdaughter went to stay with them. So I don’t know what’s going on here.
Am I doing something wrong? Is there something I should be doing? I just feel like if DH wants to let them treat him like this then so be it. But I shouldn’t have to put myself through it, should I? And I REALLY shouldn’t have to put my kids through it, right? I don’t want them to grow up feeling the same way he does. He feels like he isn’t good enough for them and never will be. He feels like his own parents don’t love or like him. He is constantly trying to make them proud.. just make them see him, make them love him. It’s so sad. And I’m scared my kids will end up feeling the same way. What do I do?