- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
I’m 34, so I don’t expect my family to help too much with the wedding. My FI and I have pretty much settled on the fact that we are paying for the wedding ourselves. I don’t think it’s my parents’ duty to pay for my wedding. But I’m going to rant anyway and I will probably sound like a brat, but I really need to get this off my chest. My dad is a doctor his stepmom is a lawyer, so our family’s are probably about even income-wise.
I just finished my PhD about a year ago and I’m in a training position. I feel like I haven’t really started my career. I’m pretty much holding up the fort though. My FI works but he doesn’t make nearly as much as I do. He just had a motorcycle accident (thank God he’s ok), and had surgery because of it. He had sold his truck because it cost too much money to fill it up. So we were down to one car. His dad helped us out with getting him a car and getting us through the hard time. My mother said she would have helped us out, if they were in a better position (more about that later). His dad has offered to give us money for the wedding. Because my FI asked him to be his best man (FI was best man at dad’s wedding), his dad wants to pay for our cake because traditionally the best man does this. He says this is separate from helping with the wedding.
FI and I are trying to keep the costs down as much as possible. We are making our own centerpieces and looking for deals. Have a friend doing the photography as a gift (he’s a photographer, not wedding photographer though). We’re struggling with the guest list to keep cost down, but still have the important people there. We are counting every penny and looking to see where we can cut costs and still have a beautiful wedding.
Now for my family, I don’t even know where to begin. We invited them to Thanksgiving dinner because my FI’s family was going to be in Florida from PR. This was going to be our first family get together since the engagement party a year ago (we had a long engagement). Because they weren’t having it at their house, my parents went to Vegas. Supposedly because their friend was really sick, but they also went to the Bahamas a week later. Seems like they could have skipped that. They refused to have us home for Christmas too. Usually my dad is on call, but this year he wasn’t. They just wanted it to be special just them, because we’re not usually around.
Every time I have asked my mother to come along for something wedding related, she’s been on vacation somewhere. She told me she would buy my dress. I bought it and she gave me half the money, there is still time for her to give me the rest. My FI’s not holding his breath. She’s insisting on having her friend come to the wedding, but my FI can’t stand the woman or her husband. My mother thinks it’s funny that we’re struggling with the guest list and has even invited more of my cousins that I had not planned on inviting. Invitations haven’t gone out, but I don’t want people to get hurt when they don’t get an invitation. She insists on giving her two cents on everything. She wants to order our cake. *Cringe* She wants to have our picture on the cake, like a birthday cake thing. Uh…no!!! She hated our first dance song and said she couldn’t believe my FI would ever have let that fly. She insists it should be a spanish song. She’s driving me crazy.
I keep telling myself not to even mention the wedding to her anymore, but there is still a part of me that wishes I could have that mother-daughter special sharing moment. The thing that really got to me is that I asked her to go with me to a Wedding Expo next month. Of course, my parents will be in Costa Rica then, so she can’t. Yesterday, I got the first deposit of my FFIL’s wedding help money. He gave us $1500. That’s more than double what I spent on the wedding dress. I thought this would be a special time for me to share with my mother. I just get so mad how unbalanced everything is. When we got engaged, my mother started pouting to my dad that he never proposed to her. She proposed to him. Her first husband passed away recently, so now she can marry in the church. So now she wants her and my dad to get married in the church. So at times I feel like she’s jealous.
I’m so frustrated with her. I hate being bratty about the money, but I can’t help it. She tells me I”m spending too much money on this or that and suggests we use this gaudy cheap thing instead. She says I’m Bridezilla because I’m going overboard making my centerpieces. She calls me and tells me how she thinks it’s funny that so-and-so is dying to come to my wedding. My parents don’t offer more money, but keep adding suggestions to our guest list (after she talks to them about the wedding). Then they go on these extravagant vacations and don’t have any money to help us when we can’t get to work because we have no vehicles. Since Thanksgiving they have been to Vegas, the Bahamas, and DC. Next month, they will be in Costa Rica. They are probably going to San Antonio in February and a cruise in March and to Mexico in April. They make me feel like a bratty little girl, when they tell me they are not in the position to help me with this or that. Then my FFIL sends us a little help for this or that, and I feel even worse about my family. I’m super grateful for him, just embarrassed about my own family’s priorities. The more his family helps, the more selfish my family appears. It would even be better, if my parents were at least emotionally supportive, instead of critical.