Family tension: how to handle FBIL's wedding

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: How should we handle FBIL's wedding to cause the least amount of problems for the bride and groom?
    Go to the wedding and reception regardless of how FI's family reacts to us. : (23 votes)
    82 %
    Go to the ceremony only and leave before the reception to minimise interacting with the family. : (4 votes)
    14 %
    Decline the invitation altogether and drop off the flowers and a card in the morning. : (0 votes)
    I have another idea and I'm going to tell you all about it! : (1 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    19 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @mistress_anne:  If you think his little brother really wants the two of you at the wedding, I think you should go and have a good time and forget about these stuffy and terrible people!  It’s not their wedding and you should not hurt his brothers feelings by not going just because these people a rude and hateful.  

    I’m sorry you are in such a position 🙁  Best of luck!

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    1275 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Go and just mingle with other people!  If you skip any part, I can just so imagine what the conversation at the table will be …. and if there are relatives who haven’t seen him in a while or have never met you, this gossip/disapproval from the family will be their first impression.  So go, and play nice if you bump into them at the punch bowl, but hang out with other people and definitely make sure your FBIL knows you’re both there because I’m sure he’s really looking forward to having you there!  If it’s REALLY bad with his family … like harrassment or he’s just really concerned/uncomfortable, duck out early.  No harm no foul.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2338 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    @mistress_anne: I think because your FBIL and his fiance obviously support you and want you to be apart of their day, through their flowers, that attending the wedding is a good idea. I would attend the ceremony, stay away from the family if it causes your FI anger or sadness or another negative reaction in him, or if you just don’t want to deal with it. I would maybe only attend the ceremony, give your congrats and love, and not attend the reception, if you believe that it may cause unwelcome drama. On the flip side, there will be plenty of other people to talk to and be around with, and you can just act like the people who are rude and unaccepting aren’t there, and try to have a fun time.

    I am so sorry you and your FI are going through this. It is so unfortuante that he is unable to be his true self around his family without feeling welcome. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    2731 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

    I see the side of the other two posters but I see your logical worry here. This wedding is about brother in law and his wife. I would call them and let him know your fears. Offer to take them out to dinner before or after the wedding to celebrate. I feel as much as it is important to stand your ground, its also important to keep others from making a scene. This unfortunatly speaks loudly on their rudeness tbut you dont give a bad dog a bone for bad behavoir.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think that if your FBIL and his fiancé want you guys there regardless of possible family drama, then you should go. I’m sure it’s extremely difficult for him to deal with his family acting this way, it’s his others special day and he should go support him. Further, I think he should stand up for who he obviously is and show up, and not let them intimidate him into hiding from the situation. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    474 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 1993

    I have two thoughts on the subject.  You are invited to this wedding at the request of the bride and groom.  Would you go to the wedding if it was a wedding in which you knew absolutely no one there other than the bride and groom?  Although it is hurtful, that day is about the couple getting married and not about other people’s opinions of other guests.  So, with that in mind I say go and mingle or enjoy the day as if the relatives are not there if you have to.

    My second thought is that there is a verse in the bible that says “Judge not lest ye be judged.” I bring that up to point out that, as religious as they may be, they are not following that verse by sitting in judgment upon you and your FI.  So, what makes one judgment more sound than another, them judging you or them judging in general?  I say none.  That verse tells us who the judge should be.  So, I say go with an open heart but keep your hands wrapped loosely around it in case you need to protect it.  You may find someone will surprise you and not judge you as you fear BUT either way you will be following that instruction by not judging them.  I hope this all makes sense.

    Post # 10
    Member
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @mistress_anne:  obviously I don’t know what this is like. But he might have to just be like “actually my name is “mike”. This is my fiancé mistress Anne”. End of story! 

    Post # 11
    Member
    4163 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    @MsJ2theZ:  Perfect.

    OP- I just advised someone on another post to suggest that her MIL stay through dinner if the music was too loud at the reception. Similar advise to you and FI- stay until it’s uncomfortable. Hopefully you two will be seated at a great table and have a fantastic time. 🙂 

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