Family Vacations with ILs?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My MIL does the same thing but it’s mostly my fiance pressing me to go to family vacations with his side of the family after I tell him way in advance that I want to go do a million other things as well. Beach with friends, festivals, camping, etc and also do not have that much time off myself but every summer he tells me I need to go to the beach with his family for the week. I get they’ve done that all their lives as a family but I too have done a beach trip with MINE all my life and it’s frustrating. With that being said I have gone and have had a lot of fun but there were always 2 or 3 days where I wished I had friends around or I could go do my own thing  like I could have doing something else. 

I’d rather have a MIL that wants me around than one who doesn’t! haha but I feel your pain, it’s frustrating as if you don’t have your own life or plans anymore.

Post # 4
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@sbottiani:   I forgot to address the “what to say to them” part. I would say “I actually have other plans for the vacation time I have left so though I really want to go I just don’t have that much time off when I’ve planned other things too. 

Maybe you can go for a couple days? Either way if you really don’t want to go, don’t. No one should make you feel bad or pressured into doing something you can’t or don’t want to do especially when you DON’T have the time to give or you really do have other plans you’d rather make.

If you keep letting them get their way you will never be able to do the things you want to do for yourself. Give and Take, meet half way. It can’t always go their way.

Post # 5
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I get this from my inlaws.  I just say, “I really wish we could, but we don’t get enough time off.”  

Post # 7
Member
312 posts
Helper bee

@sbottiani:  I completely agree with you! I work with attorneys all day too and on my vacations I want to have fun and relax, not hang out with in laws. My FMIL (who knows I don’t like to travel) used to push us to go to Florida for family vacations every time we saw her until FH told her to stop. FH doesn’t want to vacation with his parents so we just flat out tell her that we want to spend our vacations alone. Feeling obligated to spend holidays and special occasions with in laws is one thing but your hard earned vacation days should be for you.

Post # 10
Member
312 posts
Helper bee

@sbottiani:  Exactly. I’m leaving for my honeymoon in 4 days and will be doing just that, no drama, no texting, no emails, etc. My elopement is tomorrow and what am I doing tonight… summarizing  a depo transcript. We definitely need those kind of vacations!

Post # 11
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sbottiani:  We don’t do vacations with *anyone*. Not with friends, not with his family, not with my family. We tried it early in our marriage and it was too much stress working in with other people’s expectations and schedules.

(The only exception is visiting someone and staying with them, but even that is limited to a weekend since we had kids).

Tell your inlaws (Or better, your husband tell them): You are your own family now. You don’t do vacations with other people. Vacation time is private time.

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