- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
Well, i just want to vent a little, so excuse me if it’s long.
If you have read one of my past post, you know the relationship with my family wasnt the best. But in case you havent i’ll summarize:
My parents had issues with their marriage from the beginning, my dad has been psicologicaly abusive to my mom since the beginning, so we all had our issues, my brother (33 yo) is rebelious, my mom is submisive (60 y/o) and i am/was too. It was a circle of violence in my house, my dad and brother would shout at each other, my dad and brother would be abusive to my mom, my mom would take it all on me and i would either suck it up or fight with her.
Things were so bad Dh and i had to elope, when we did things got better, my dad was better to me and DH (who he hated and even threatened before), but my mom lost a lot of weight because she had a lot happen in her life (which she wont tell anyone).
Fast Forward to this day, i’ve taken my mom to his doctor appointments, they find nothing wrong with her but her weight, we went to see a councellor (the best one in my town for cases that involve abuse) but she acts like nothing is wrong with her and said she would make the next appointment (i promised i would leave her alone after that) but obviously she never did.
We went yesterday to the endocrinologist and found out she’s been gaining a little bit of weight, in october she was 81.5 lbs and yesterday she weighted 90.3lbs, still is very low, but i guess it’s better than nothing. Her doc said she’s fine and she just needs to keep eating right.
Anyway… just two days ago DH and i just moved in to an appartment next to my father’s bussiness, in which DH and me are going to work as graphic designers and salesmen. My father owns the appartment but he offered so we could be near the bussiness and nearer from their house (about 10 mins away by car, 25min walking distance).
Last night he called me at 11pm to ask me how everything went with the doctor (because i forgot to call him, since we’re still unpacking things and stuff. I told him everything was fine, that she gained weight, that there’s nothing wrong with her tyroid, he flipped ut and said it’s not true, that she’s dying and sick and she sleeps all day and that she doesnt eat unless my brother and SIL (she lives at my parents house with my brother) see her eat and that they’re not always around to watch her.
He then said “why dont you and your husband come here to eat everyday… i’ll try to come too, i’d have everything for the 5 of us” and so on… i was petrified. i know he’s done A LOT for me and DH, and i love my family dearly… but… we need our space, i dont want to eat with them EVERYDAY.
I was already planning to visit my mom everyday for 10-15 minutes, but by myself, i dont want to drag DH into this, and he doesnt either, he loves my parents, but he still feels unconfortable being around them for a lot of time.
So i asked my dad if he was being nice to her (in a good manner) if he hugged her and stuff… and he said that they always watch tv together (oh, they dont sleep in the same room since about… 5-6 years ago… because he kicked her out of the bedroom) and they talk, etc, but that she doesnt feel loved by him or us (brother and i), that she feels that love is lacking in her life… then my brother butted in (apparently he was besides my dad) and said “what about your love?” so my that started lecturing ME about how we dont want to help her, how we are making him resposible for my mom and FOR EVERYTHING…
Since he NEVER listens to anyone and always speaks in monologue, not letting you answer or explain…I snapped and decided i didnt want to be guit tripped, so i hung up. I know it was not the best way to hadle things, but when he starts lecturing us he goes on and on for HOURS. It was freakin’ 11pm and i have to wake up at six.
Nethless to say. he called 1 minute later ENRAGED saying i was ungrateful, that when he gives me his hand i act like a bitch, that he can be hard and he will be, etc and hung up on me.
I freaked out, that was not the way i wanted to start living here… my mom called me (because she heard my dad yell at me on the phone) and i cried and told her everything. I lost the battle agains my temper and i was a mess, bawling my eyes out like a baby.
When we hung up DH told me that i have to get it together and calm down, that im acting like a victim again and that i need to take responsability for my emotions, that my dad acted like he always did and that he doesnt want to hear me cry everyday like i did when we met, that im an adult. That helped me calm down, because i know he’s right. When i was calm he conforted me and said everything would be ok, but that i need to control my emotions when my family is involved.
I learned my lesson and i will never loose my temper again, today i will apologize to my dad. Leaving this appartment is not a option, we dont have the money to afford it (right now).
Everytime my dad wants to lecture me i will suck it up.
I know i have full resposability of this, and im sorry, i just wanted to vent, thank you bees.