Family vs Wedding Location

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think just you and him should have a weddingmoon some place lovely and tropical/exotic/whatever toasts your bread.

Fly there, get hitched, have someone take pictures, stay for a week or two, fly home and show family pics!

Post # 4
Member
2242 posts
Buzzing bee

Honestly just pick a location you want. Tell your family where it is and say you’ll gladly pay for their flights (if necessary). Then let them make the next move. 

Post # 5
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@SuperKate:  +1

 

FI’s family is not happy we won’t be getting married in our home state.

 

We’ve said “Sorry, come if you’d like, but we are getting married in _____”

 

What do you know…they’ve come around to the idea 🙂

Post # 6
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

Hmmm… this is a tough one. Honestly, if I were you I would do absolutely whatever I could to make sure I wasn’t straining relationships in my family. However, I don’t think you should let them walk all over you. What are their reasons for saying the wedding has to be in the Ozarks? Make sure that the place you decide on can still accomodate any ligitimate needs that they have, but if they’re just being petty, I would do everything I could to be kind, but in the end, I would not let them dictate where I can have my wedding. 

Post # 7
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I’m not big on destination weddings for exactly this reason – you’ve offered to pay for flights, but that still doesn’t cover room, food and other essential expenses while they’re there – which can quickly add up. I don’t know the financial situations of your family (nor do you, I’d imagine), and maybe they’re not piping up with that reason because they’re embarrassed – but my feeling is that if you can find the time to have a Honeymoon or a destination wedding, you can find the time to have a wedding someplace local, then fly out the next morning (I did).

It just adds several layers of expense and work to everyone’s schedules. Depending on where this wedding occurs, they may not have to take off just one day/night for a wedding, but possibly multiple.

My feeling is that weddings have to be either/or to some extent – if you are going to have one, while it’s certainly about you and your spouse, the whole point is to be inclusive for your guests. That doesn’t mean bowing to their every whim – but when it requires several hundred dollars for them to attend at a minimum, their frustration becomes obvious. Vacations and new places can be cool – but only when they’re totally at the family’s discretion and that particular family’s choosing. You’re getting plenty of resistance already.

Failing that, elope. Like others are saying, go off, get married, get pictures/video, have your Honeymoon there, come home and share it with everyone. Maybe even have a celebratory dinner out at a restaurant with your families one night.

I do think your family could have handled this whole situation a lot more constructively, and from what you post, it sounds to me like distance and money are concerns for them. Those are legitimate reasons. Weddings add a lot of pressure, even for guests – sure, they could also say, “We won’t be coming.” But then they have to sit and worry that they’ll be the gossip, i.e., “Can you believe her sister wouldn’t even come to the wedding?!” They have to worry that your, “Okay, fine,” really means, “You bitch!”

 

Post # 8
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@iagirlbee:  Don’t let your family emotionally abuse you.

Have the wedding where you want. Send them the invites. If they come, great! If not, their loss.

If they bring it up mention “we had the wedding we wanted. You missed a grand day” Repeat ad naseuam for the next 40 years.

Post # 9
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@iagirlbee:  Ugh I don’t get how people can say you’re being selfish about your own wedding!! It’s about you and FI, not other people being obsessed with the Ozarks. Honestly just think to yourself about what you really want to do and do it. If that’s all it takes for your relatives to never speak to you again or whatever, then they’re flakey to begin with.

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