Post # 1
Hi there! Nice to meet you all! Long story short, my Future Sister-In-Law started a partying business not too long ago. Since my wedding is coming up next year, her and her business partner has been pressing (asking lots of questions) and wanting to plan our wedding. The thing is – I’ve my eyes set to work with a certain planner (and also plan most of the event myself).
I did asked them to plan the dessert table. They found a vendor which we scheduled a tasting, and I was told last minute that they couldn’t accomendate me at all. Just this fact that they didn’t communicate this with me sooner, made me felt a little annoyed.
How do I politely decline their offer, without offending their feelings? Also, my Future Sister-In-Law and her business partner will be our guest/wedding party during the day of, and I really want them to enjoy the day. Most importantly, I don’t want to put my guest and wedding party to work on the day of.
Post # 3
Hi @katkat123: First and foremost, as this is your DEBUT post on WBee, a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”
Etiquette Snob here.. lol
Well as they say, “Honesty is the best policy”
Altho in this case it might still cause for some hard feelings.
There is another alternative, you make a pact with yourself and you keep it **… NO Friendors… anotherwords Vendors who are friends.
** Keeping it can be the hard part
In that way you can tell the Future Sister-In-Law & her Partner, that that is the route you are taking… sorry, not gonna change my mind / compromise
“I want my Family & Friends to enjoy the day as our Guests”… and not be working
— — —
Besides, Friendors altho the offers are nice usually come with either strings attached, or problems (as you’ve already discovered)… when something goes wrong it is hard to rectify, as often you are getting a deep discounted rate or for FREE… and the Friendor gets peeved and wants to say (or does say here on WBee)…
“Well geeze she was such a B!tch considering what she paid for the service”
We had a Friendor do a service for us (she said in lieu of a Wedding Present)… and I LOVED what she did, but there were indeed timing issues… issues that I probably wouldn’t have had to deal with if I had just paid one full price.
I handled it graciously / gracefully… so there were no hard feelings… (way I looked at it was if she came thru in the end … Great. If she didn’t then we’d have to do without that one element. So as you can tell it wasn’t a KEY element… )
Hope this helps,
Post # 4
@katkat123: Are they wanting to offer their services as a gift? Or, are they hoping you will hire them?
“I’m sorry, but we have decided not to hire any friends or family to avoid any difficult situations.”
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
You definitely need to nip this in the bud. One of my MOHs has been doing day of coordination for 7+ years, and while I feedback on a couple of things while I was planning, there’s no way I would have hired her to do the event. Doing any type of business with family and friends can quickly backfire.
Just be upfront- “I appreciate the thought, but I already have a planner and vision in mind. I want you to be able to enjoy the day as guests as opposed to a vendor.”
Post # 6
@This Time Round: I love the word “Friendors”…this is totally true. So NOW I’ve another friend of mine who will be doing my make up, also my mom’s and Future Mother In Law. (I know..I know, I already express how I don’t want friends/family involved as wedding vendors – however, she’s a professional that does make up for magazine editoral, so I trust her skills).
Anyway, the reason I’m using her because she’s doing my make up for free as wedding present (which I think it’s super sweet). Originally, I only hired her to do my makeup/my mother’s – and now Future Mother-In-Law wants to get her make up done (can’t say no to her). Which NOW – my friend thinks it’s too much since I wanted to have her to my hair. She said she can’t possibly do three makeups and my hair on the same day. She’s not going to drive up to the venue the night before, she’s getting a ride from us (plus, we will need to add her to the rehearsal dinner), and she’s staying Friday/Saturday night with us (I’ve to get another room because now it’s too many people in one room – she’s sharing the room with another BM). I offered her that my mom and Future Mother-In-Law can wake up early on Saturday morning (7-8am) to get their make up done, and she can spend rest of the time on me. I guess she doesn’t want to overpromise, under deliver? ARGH but this is so annoying.
So now I’ve to go out and possibly spending more $$ just to find someone to do my hair since alot of vendors like to do hair + make up together.
I’m just a little mad – I feel like I’m going out of my way to make this convenient for her, yet she can’t even make the time to do my hair. (I’m also paying her to do makeup for my mom/FMIL + tips, so I’m not expecting all free service from her) BUT, I’m also thinking that she needs enough time to do all that, because her work is truely high quality. I just think getting your friends as vendors are super messy – and I highly don’t recommend it for all you bees out there. Plus my mom wants her to be in the wedding because it’s not *nice* to have her do my makeup and leave.
So far I’ve booked all my vendors which I’m not related to, and the process has been super smooth. They don’t ask for anything extra for accomendation.