Family wedding invitation dramas

posted 3 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ERsax:  I would invite at least the grandparents. You might also suggest to your parents that they contribute a little money to help cover the costs of the extra people. If people are prepared to fly halfway around the world for your wedding, why not invite them? You really can’t pull in or hire some chairs and fit 2-5 extra people in your in-laws’ house?

A celebration isn’t the same as a wedding. Besides, I’m sure there are still other people to see in Australia.

Post # 5
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ERsax:  I put grandparents in a different class to aunts, uncles and cousins. In my experience, grandparents feel a special connection to their grandchildren. e.g. In my experience: grandparents have photos of their grandchildren on display in their house, uncles and aunts do not do the same with their nieces and nephews.

Then if you are inviting his aunts, I think you should invite your aunt too. That’s only one extra person.

I agree with you on cousins though: if you can’t invite his cousins, you don’t invite yours either.

So then, that’s only 3 extra guests, and you’re being fair to everyone.

Post # 7
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@ERsax:  I think you’re stuck inviting them, or else you’re just going to deal with the fallout with your family. :/ A vow renewal isn’t a wedding, which means these people aren’t and won’t be invited to your wedding. What is the reason you’re not inviting them? From what I read, they aren’t invited due to a combination of your budget and the assumption that they can’t attend due to their own finances. Could you scale back the catering and just have punch and cake?

In any case, I wish you the absolute best and smooth sailing. I’m in the process of avoiding stuffing envelopes right now and with each stamped envelope I wave bye bye to my hard earned money.

Post # 9
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@ERsax:  I see what you’re saying. I know that your wedding is a month and a half away, give or take, but it really seems like the guilt is holding you back. If they KNOW it’s just a cocktail reception, and they show up expecting a fairytale wedding with a tour of wine country, that’s on them. You’d be inviting them to a wedding, not a circus. That said, you posted that you’re worried about it being fair. If you invite his aunts just because they live close, but don’t invite yours because they live across the globe, that isn’t fair. Like paula1248 said, if you’re inviting his, you should invite yours. Can you ask several key people to assist with the cooking for the wedding? I’ve cooked for small weddings, just to help out. If you ask people to make things that are good cold, they could make them the day before, then no problems with keeping food hot.

Post # 11
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I would say that you absolutely stop inviting people now. It is already beyond what you wanted which is sad. You need to tell your abroad family that you are uncomfortable with them paying so much but more importantly not respecting your wishes to celebrate with them later. You can explain that everyone from your family gets to celebrate with you in Australia but a much smaller number of FI’s family will get to celebrate with you in the US and while there is already no room for your extended family at the house, there is also no room for the rest of your FI’s family who live in the US. So as far as fair goes, it is already not fair to FI because of that and they need to not worry about what is fair, but what you are requesting to make your special day work,. They need to do what they can to make you enjoy your wedding rather than bullying you during the process.

Post # 12
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I understand your sitation, How about writing a long email, with your plans and explanation, to your and your FI’s wedding.

 

Your planning makes sense, but perhaps the families don’t understand your plans unless you explain them.

 

Put all your cards on the table and make sure everyone is on the same page.

Post # 13
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@ERsax:  hmm, yeah, if its just getting to be beyond what you even want, stoop inviting people. If its’s space or bugs get, those things can be worked with, but if you’re not inviting people because you just want a tiny wedding, that’s different. I agree with the above poster- I ended up inviting people out of obligation and my wedding went from 80 to 138 in a month. Just explain it in an email, they you’re able to get the wording correct. Plus, if you e-mail them they can’t try to talk you out if it. It’ll be a lot easier to hit on your points without seeming ungrateful. and what if you started calling it an elopement? I’ve seen on the bee brides with only a few months to plan their weddings saying they’re eloping. That might make it easier for your family to handle.

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