Fat, devastated, depressed…and it's really not fair.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m so sorry you feel this way, and I’m not trying to be harsh, but life isn’t fair. Every persons body function is different. Some people are thin naturally and some aren’t. You have to take control of your body.  Don’t base what you think you should look like based off what your friends do- eating chips and drinking coke all day. Some people have to fight for a look they are happy with. Exercise and nutrition will help. This is about a lifestyle change, not a diet.

Post # 4
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am sorry you are feeling so bad!  I think in time you will see the best in your wedding photos.  It sounds like you are feeling really bad about yourself.  Maybe it would be a good idea to make an appointment with a nutritionist. Focus on feeling healthy.

Post # 5
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

As a size 24 with DD boobs and no ass.. all my fat is in my stomach… I can tell you that you might need someone professional to talk to.  

Your friends and family will tell you of course to love yourself, because they love you. But it’s hard when you can’t see any good reason why people would like you let alone love you. It doesn’t matter what they say anyhow because you’ll hear it differently. 

Seeing a crisis councillor might be a good idea since you sound like your on the edge. Maybe talk to a therapist. Seeking help isn’t weak it’s smart and I’d say in your case maybe the best thing to do. 

Remember that you DH married you as you are now, he loves you. Trust him if you can’t trust yourself. 

 

Good luck!!

Post # 6
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Can I just start with this? ((HUGS))

I have struggled with my weight since I was 16 and 5′ tall. I get what you mean when you say one weight on one girl looks TOTALLY different when you are shorter. I was fortunate enough to grow about 4 more inches.

I need to say this: even if you had a dramatic weight loss experience *right now*, you will STILL struggle with image. I can tell by how you view yourself, and I know because it’s happening to me. Now that I’m this supposed “desirable” body type…all I do is compare myself to curvy/full-figured girls. All. Day. Long.

You say you eat healthy and you definitely exercise far more than I do. If you doctor tells you you are healthy,  then you HAVE to make the decision to start embracing what you have. I know it sounds insane, but I promise you there are “skinny” girls out there intimidated by your curves. I am one of them. I wish I was still big sometimes, and wonder if my BF would think I’m sexier. I mean, go to Lane Bryants site: there are some sexy ass girls on there.

Do you get what I’m saying? If you have body image issues (many of us do), then no matter HOW you look, *you will never be good enough for yourself* until you decide you are.

Try to focus on something *other* than your weight for a bit: go get your hair done, get some new nails, buy a new outfit. I’d also encourage you to find role models in your size.

I really do feel for you. Please hang in there and understand the grass is NOT always greener. At some point you HAVE to make the decision to say “hell with it” and work with what you have. ((HUGS))

Post # 7
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m so sorry you feel this way about your wedding photos and about your body.

I would suggest you talk to a therapist about the possibility that you have body dysmorphic disorder.

I understand your body really isn’t society’s view of perfect (neither is mine or 99.99% of the rest of the population, and that last .01% will age), but the harshness and cruelty of these thoughts you have about yourself are completely undeserved and sound like they’re basically ruining your life.

Every human being has beauty in them, physically speaking as well, and it’s important to place our focus there, especially when it comes to our thoughts about ourselves. I know, this is much easier said than done, which is why I recommend talking to a therapist. You deserve to know that you are beautiful.

Post # 8
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

(((((((Hugs))))))))) I too, am 5′ tall, with a DD chest and an inch to pinch! I know EXACTLY how you feel. A size 10 is not big though, and it sounds like your body image issues are effecting your quality of life. I would suggest seeing a counselor. The bottom line is that life is too short for us to let our body image issues hold us back. You may be suffering from body dysmorphic disorder. Sometimes, mirrors LIE.  I am renewing my vows, and I am scared to death of feeling like I look like Jabba the hut in my photos! YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Post # 9
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Something stuck out at me. You said no one told you that you were pretty on your wedding day because you were too disgusting for them to lie.

I went to a wedding just recently. The bride was a size 26 – a lot bigger than a 10. She looked beautiful. I didn’t look at her and think “fat bride.” Everyone told her she was beautiful, and it wasn’t just to be nice.

Badabing is right, too. This issue will be present no matter what size you are. You have to accept and love yourself where you are at right now.

You have also got to stop beating yourself up in front of your DH. Imagine if a someone who wasn’t you told him, “Your wife is big and disgusting.” It’s no different than it coming from you.

Post # 10
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’d like to add: don’t you DARE start some dieting program unless a) YOU want to and b) a doctor has advised you to do so. Life is too goddamn short to worry about every single thing you put into your mouth. I have been down to 90lbs: it is NOT worth it!

Eating healthy and exercising does not always equal thinness, and that is just fine.

Post # 11
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am so sorry you’re feeling this way – I would give you a hug if I could because I know the feeling.  I know it’s not fair. I live it every day. I don’t eat any junk, no Snickers (not in 15 years!), no chips, no sugar aside from a modest amount of dark chocolate every once in a while. I eat tons of veggies (3-4 large plates full a day) and protein, no starches, no bread, pasta, soda, etc.   I work out HARD 5-6 days a week doing heavy weight lifting and some cardio.  

I am in good shape but I wasn’t born this way. I started off much larger than you so I know it can be done. I realized eventually that I can’t do what my friend do so I have to do what works for me not what works for them.  

With all that said, self love starts from the inside. Even with my weight loss I still hated myself and how I looked.  It actually got worse in time.  I do see a therapist weekly and have for almost two years now and its made a huge difference in my life, especially while living with two chronic illnesses. I don’t want to pretend to diagnose anything but definitely talking to a professional would be helpful. 

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You can work you way through this but you can’t do it alone.  You really need to speak to a professional and get in a good place before your relationship with yourself starts to negatively impact your relationships with others.

Post # 13
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

why do you think that you will gain it all back immediately? I would go back to watching your diet religiously and going back to the personal trainer. you will not gain back 4 sizes for enjoying a christmas dinner, absolutely not. nobody does! it’s not physically possible!

 

look into it for some time, use loseit/myfitnesspal to keep track of amount and quality of calories. it’ll be worth it. you can’t suffer for being fat forever, especially when you know you can fix it, because you already did! you actually have the power to do it!!

 

best of luck in your journey!

Post # 14
Member
9220 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SickandTired:  Without seeing your wedding photos it’s hard to judge so I can’t say too much about that.  I will say that Photoshop is your friend, lol, and almost everyone on planet earth has cellulite, regardless of their size.

Otherwise – I understand you’re venting.  It sounds to me like you’ve gotten into the vicious cycle of dieting and regaining, and hence have wrecked your metabolism.  As a PP pointed out, this isn’t about a diet, it’s a lifestyle choice.  And believe me, I KNOW everyone’s body is different and some have to work harder than others to achieve their weight loss goals. 

But losing weight is hard for most people and that’s a fact.  First of all – stop with the self hate.  Secondly, stop with dragging your husband down about this – do you want to adversly affect your marriage?  This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy if you’re not careful.  If he says you’re beautiful and sexy say:  “Thank you, honey.”

You are not the biggest person on the planet.  You might be the biggest person you know, but so what?  Someone has to be.  I don’t mean to sound harsh, but please – get real.  You can walk.  You can see.  You can think.  You can hear.  You can talk. 

My son’s roommate is a 19-year old deaf/mute college student who walks only with two crutches and was never expected to survive past the age of 12.  He was born deaf and with spina bifida.  He’s about 4’11” and raised in extreme poverty.  His mother died when he was an infant.  He was essentially rescued by someone at his church and is now studying at a private university.

But – he’s a happy kid and has the most beautiful, radiant smile you’ve ever seen.  Does he whine about life giving him such a raw deal?  Nope.  He is a walking miracle and he knows it.  He could die any day – and he is my son’s best friend.  He’s living on borrowed time, but he makes everyone around him fall in love with him because of his happy, joyful spirit.

It’s what’s inside a human being – their spirit – that is the most important thing. 

Please – stop looking at all of the bad things in your life and focus on what is beautiful about yourself.  Do you have pretty eyes?  Do you have nice hands?  Start telling your body you love it and that it’s beautiful. 

Stop making your body your enemy.  It might start cooperating with you if you start treating it a little better.  😉

Post # 16
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I agree it sounds like you’re probably not being very nice to yourself.  PLEASE see your value as more than your size.

 

Now for some tough love:

 

As someone who has spent the last two years working on achieving and maintaining the body size/shape that I want, I also need to tell you that if you aren’t happy wtih your current size, you WILL need to work for what you want.  Choosing a turkey burger alone doesn’t make you lose weight.  Understanding where that turkey burger fits in with your total day’s consumption (intake versus outake) does.

I don’t deprive myself, but I also STILL need to work every day at maintaining and even losing that last 10.  That doesn’t make you a victim.  You are judging every thin person on the fact that they eat whatever they want without punishment.  This is probably false.  What you don’t see is the portion sizes they maintain over several days, or the choice to have salads for the meals that they’re not eating doritos.  EVERYONE needs to find a balance.  Someone who eats their face off and never gains a pound may have an overactive thyroid, or maybe they work out for 3 hours a day at a high intensity.

 

My point is, if you continue comparing yourself to others and saying what you’ve been given is not fair, nothing will change.  You have total control over this. Whether you take power with that control and say “I Can’t have the doritos today because I am at my daily intake budget” or throw your hands up and say “oh well, I’ll probably gain it all back anyway so fudge it, pass the chips” is up to you.  You can only guess which decision rewards you with the results you want.

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