(Closed) father asked to hold off on wedding

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Depends. How long have you guys been together and why doesn’t your dad know him?

Post # 5
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

If they chose to not make the effort to meet your fiance, then that is their fault and it’s sort of unfair to ask you to wait. If they didn’t get to know him in a year, can you trust that they will make the effort now? If not, then don’t wait if you don’t want to. If you do trust them, it might make life easier if you waited a little. How long ago was your divorce?

Post # 6
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with what Edina said. If you haven’t booked anything and are just doing a short engagement, then it may not hurt to push it back a month or two. Perhaps they just don’t want to feel like you’re rushing into a 2nd marriage? I know that my father would feel uneasy with me marrying someone he’s never met. 

I do think, however, that it is sweet of your fiancee to say he’ll wait until your family is comfortable with your marriage. It shows that he does care about your relationship with them.  That being said, it is your marriage… 

Post # 7
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Have to agree with the previous posters.  If your family is being genuine about it, okay, but if your dad really has no intention to get to know your FI and wants to push back the wedding just because, that’s another thing.

If I had to wait for my MIL to get to know me before we could get married, we would be dead before we walked down the aisle.  We’ve been together 5 years and she has never once tried to get to know me. 

Post # 8
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@nyebride: Ouch, how hurtful! Although you are probably more than over it by now. People like that aren’t worth the trouble.

Post # 9
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Your explanation as to why your dad doesn’t know your fiance yet is concerning to me.  It sounds to me like he’s hoping that if he encourages you to put it off that eventually you won’t go through with it.  Since your fiance is OK with this…I would give your dad a time frame.  Something like “ok we will push things back by 6 months, but that’s it.  I hope that you will use that time to make an effort to get to know my fiance and feel comfortable with our marriage. However, we WILL be getting married at the end of that time whether you are ready or not”.  Honestly though, I don’t really get it because it’s not like you need his blessing.  Why can’t he get to know your husband after the wedding?  If he gets to know him and then decides he doesn’t like him.. is that going to change your mind about marrying him?

Post # 11
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

They could very well never be ready, which is why you can’t always wait on others.  You have to do what is best for you.  If you are getting married in November that gives them about 4 months to get to know him.  Why not give your dad the opportunity to get to know your FI over the next 2 weeks and see how he responds.

Edina- Completely over it.  It sucks but it’s her loss.  It’s all about her.  What really annoyed me was she was talking to a family friend of theirs before we were engaged and the mother of that side asked her about me and MIL said “Well, I’ve never had the chance to really get to know her.”  She didn’t know I was behind her and heard it.  In reality she has had tons of opportunities to get to know me (weekslong visits, emails, phone calls, etc. over the years) and she never has really wanted to get to know me.  Plus she is of the type that has her opinion already made and there is no changing it.  Doesn’t phase me anymore.

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