Post # 1
Ok bees, so I’ve had a rocky relationship with my father most of my life but we have managed to patch things up so I would like to have a father/daught dance at the wedding, but here’s the thing.
My FI has had issues with his mother since he was a teenager and her actions have intensified those negative feelings towards her and he doesn’t want a mother/son dance.
I mean how rude is that exactly lol. It will send a message for sure and it’s not like she doesn’t deserve it, but I am almost thinking I should just scrap my dance with my father and tell people we weren’t following the nornal traditions since it is a down south wedding.
Post # 3
Tha mother/son dance is actually a fairly recent addition to wedding receptions.
I would go ahead and have your dance with your father.
Post # 4
I am doing a father/daughter dance and not a mother/son dance. FI’s mother and him aren’t close and he said it would be awkward for him.
Post # 5
@applebeee: I was at a wedding this past fall and there was a father/daughter but no mother/son dance. It was fine in my opinion.
Post # 6
Same situation happened with my sister and her husband at their wedding. Bride was close to my father so they danced. But the groom has issues with his mom and decided against it. No one missed it, not even his mom. They could always dance privately during the regular dance section.
Post # 7
It’s fine, do what you want! My dad died a few years ago, and my grandpa passed away in July, so I have no one to dance with. FI is really close with his mom, but I didn’t feel like doing a mother/son dance and highlighting my lack of someone to dance with. We’re doing a first dance for FI and I and that’s it.
Post # 8
pleaseOle please listen to me – i tried to accommodated to my dh and his mother issues by just letting him ask the three moms too private dances through out the night – I told my dj this and he took it as his job t. Tell the moms he also thought the same for my dad – to make the story short my mom is the only one Dh got to even dance with beacause Dj didn’t know the other moms and !!!!! I had to dance with my dad to our song with a whole bunch off other people 🙁 also since he didnt bother tto announce it I missed half the song – it was not special and the pictures suck – you take advantage of that mmoment !!! Please please
Post # 9
@applebeee: I think it’s great that you’ve been able to mend your relationship with your father! If you want to do a father/daughter dance, I think that’s totally fine. The only reason I would hesitate is if it actually bothers your fiance. It’s a pretty traditional thing for a bride to have a dance with her father, so I doubt he’d have any serious objections (though I obviously don’t know him, so I can’t say for sure). I agree with other posters … I think the mother/son dance is a relatively new thing, so your guests likely won’t even notice.
For me personally, I’m not sure what we’ll be doing. My fiance is pretty close with his mom, so if he’d like to have a dance with her (he’s still undecided), I think that would be sweet.
I, on the other hand, don’t have any sort of relationship with my father. I cut off all contact with him almost 10 years ago for personal reasons that I won’t get into on the Bee, and he will not be invited to the wedding. (I would be shocked if he even knows that I’m engaged!) It makes me a little sad sometimes to think that I won’t be sharing any sort of special dance (my grandfather is ill and will not be able to make the trip out to Omaha for the wedding), but it is what it is.
That being said, I’d be fine with it if my fiance and his mom shared a special dance even though I don’t have anyone to dance with.
Post # 10
@angelinthesnowxo: My FI is not tight with his mom, and I don’t have a relationship with my dad, so I’m debating whether we should scrap the mother/son dance – I think it might be awkward for both of them. I can relate to your post, I’m disappointed since my Mom passed in 2009 and FI’s dad passed in 1994. We’re only going to have my FMIL as the only parent, we’re older and our grandparents have been gone for over 30 years.
Post # 11
I’m glad I found this thread because I’m in the same position. I’m close with my father, and he said the one thing he always wanted to do was dance with me at my wedding. Well, my FI is a very shy person and getting him to agree to dance with me in front of people was victory enough. He doesn’t want to dance with his mother and I don’t care either way, but it made me wonder whether I should have a father/daughter thing if we’re not going to include her. I just didn’t want people to assume we were snubbing her (there’s some bad history between FI and FMIL and everyone knows it).
Post # 12
imo i think you will regret not having a dance with your father. it should be a memorable and symbolic moment in your wedding. it will be especially regretful if your relationship with him is to further solidify. if your FI is comfortable with you having this dance, i don’t see why you would opt out.
Post # 13
You don’t want to look back and regret it. It’s ok if he doesn’t want the mother-son dance but that shouldn’t stop you from doing the father-daughter dance if you want to.
At first my DH wasn’t sure if he wanted to do a mother son dance at our wedding but I always planned to do the father-daughter dance. In the end he did go through with it but I was going to go ahead with my dance regardless of whether he did or not.
Post # 14
@vorpalette: Out of curiousity, does your FI want to dance with his mother? You mentioned not wanting it to highlight your personal situation, but does your FI feel hurt by the decision since he is close with his mother?
Just wondering because my cousin is in a similar situation where her father passed and she doesn’t want to do a mother/son dance. Her FI wants to dance with his mom though. They are at an impasse. She asked me what I thought….I told her they need to decide for themselves. But quietly I think it is a little unfair to him, but only because he actually wants to do it.
OP, whatever you and your FI agree with is what really matters. Most people probably won’t even notice the lack of the mother/son dance.
Post # 15
I’ve never actually personally seen a mother/son dance at a wedding, it wouldn’t be at all weird or a slight to them to not do one but still do a father/daughter dance.
Post # 16
I think Father/Daughter is more important anyway. I never even considered Mother/Son until people kept saying how sad it’d be that my husband couldn’t dance with his late mother. We had father/daughter only and had the DJ move right along. Definitely do what feels right for your family.