Post # 1
Sent an email blast letting our friends/family members that I am engaged. The announcement e-card I designed myself (super cute I might add) to reach everyone at once. A little background about my father: Alcoholic and Emotionally Unavailable since I can remember. You’d think I would get used to his “responses” (which vary between a blank stare, not responding, changing the subject, etc.) but feel particulalry hurt that his response was:
“Next time send your emails to blah blah @comcast.net as the current one will be phased out.”
That was it. No congrats, nada.
How the heck to I respond to his non response (if any) ? My fiancee’ is gobsmacked and I am reasonably hurt/pissed off.
Post # 3
We’ve been engaged since February of 2012 and my mother has yet to mention it/congratulate us/etc. Our wedding is in three weeks. :
Post # 4
I don’t understand engagement announcements — what do people expect? I have been to quite a few weddings and had many of my friends get married and I have never recieved an engagement announcement.
Anyway, back on topic, it seems you’ve really answered your own question about him being emotionally unavailable. This doesn’t blip on his radar because I highly doubt anything would.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@Jacuzzigirl78: Better than my dad’s response which was an angry phone call telling me I was stupid for getting married to my Fiance. He’s come around since then but dads can be a real PITA.
Post # 6
was he maybe hurt that your Fiance didn’t ask for his permission first?
Post # 7
@Jacuzzigirl78: I think I would have responded the same way if I was your father.
1.) He might feel traditionally your fiance should ask for your hand.
2.) You couldn’t even bother picking up the phone to let your Dad know beyond a mass e-mail.
Try to see it from his perspective.
Post # 8
@Jacuzzigirl78: I have an extremely strained relationship with my biological father too, my parents broke up when I was 4 and growing up he was completely unreliable, never paid child support and never acted as a ‘father figure’. He has three other children who I adore but my relationship with him will never be more than the occasional phone call / once a year visit – my step-dad is my father in my eyes, he raised me, supports me and will walk me down the aisle. My fiance has never even met my real dad and we’ve been together for years.
Long story short, while my dad did acknowledge our engagement in his own way (after I called him to tell him – we hadnt spoken for months before that and haven’t spoken since) it certainly wasn’t the kind of reaction I got from my parents (Mum & Step-Dad, who were wonderfully supportive and beyond excited!). I always try and remember that my biological dad loves me in his own way, and while I’ll probably struggle with our relationship for the rest of my life, I try to focus on the wonderful people I do have in my life.
Try not to let it spoil this wonderful time in your life. People will always amaze us, in good ways and bad, but don’t let it bring you down, and be comforted by the fact that your children will never experience the same thing!
Congrats on your engagement! 🙂 xx
Post # 9
If I was a parent I probably wouldn’t want a email annoucement, especially if they guy didn’t ask first but that’s just me. My father didn’t congratulate us either but I never really expected anyone to.
Post # 10
@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon: I especially agree with your #2
Post # 11
Are you sure it wasn’t an auto response? I also agree with PPs that he may be annoyed you didn’t call.
Post # 12
i think that it may be an auto response
Post # 13
@Jacuzzigirl78: as a parent myself, i think i would be a little upset if i found out via mass email that my child was engaged.
regardless of your relationship, your father deserved at least a personal phone call.
Post # 14
@bebero: I agree. That sounds like an automated response. Try sending it to the new email address.
Post # 15
It never occured to me that it may have been one of those auto responses. Thanks for pointing that out!
My family is not traditional at all so my fiance asking my father “for my hand” would actually be weird (particulary when I am in my late 30’s)
“it seems you’ve really answered your own question about him being emotionally unavailable. This doesn’t blip on his radar because I highly doubt anything would.” In retrospect, you are absolutely correct. It seems I have to adjust my expectations of him. As the saying goes: “Arguing with what is vs what you expect will give you misery every time.”
Our relationship is one sided (me always initiating contact and coordinating get togethers) and I got tired of it. I since realized that I can choose how I want to be in a relationship with him that works for me as trying to work with him got me nowhere. Needless to say, I don’t feel I have to justify my decision to email him the news. This was the same communication outlet my father used to tell me my gradma died.
Anywho, Thanks for the support ladies!