- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
My first post here. I have a very complicated relationship with my father. My mother and father divorced when I was 10, and my mother died when I was 14, at which time my father moved back into the house to finsih raising my siblings and myself. We have never been close, and I don’t particularly like him most of the time. He is narcissistic, self involved, and a functioning alcoholic.
So, since getting engaged in December, he hasn’t shown any interest in the wedding. This is something I was sort of expecting, but not to this extent. He hasn’t asked any questions (like, zero), offered any sort of financial help or emotional support, shown interest in getting to know my fiance, or acknowledged the Save the Date that he received a month ago (when I asked him if he got it the other night when I was at his house visiting my little brother, he pointed to the top of the piano, where it was face down on a bunch of other papers).
The Save the Date included his name and my yougner brother (who is 17). It did not include his on again/off again girlfriend, who is pretty much the female version of him (self centered, obnoxious, socially awkard, drinks too much, irrisponsible). It did not include her name for many reasons. One, is that we’re having a super small wedding that my fiance and I are paying for mostly (with some help from my fiance’s parents and my grandparents), and we’re not giving many Plus 1’s (unless we are also friends with the partner). Second, is that I wasn’t even sure they were “on again.” Third is that I just don’t like her, she hasn’t ever shown any interest in me, and I only want people at the wedding who love and support my relationship.
Now, the real question. When I was over at my father’s house the other night, I was talking with my brother about the wedding. My father asked “so, what time is it again.” And I said “4pm”. He said “Well, then [girlfriend] was right, we’ll have to get a hotel room” (the reception is 30 minutes outside of town). I was too shocked to say anything, so I didn’t.
Now I’m struggling with what to do. Do I do what feels right emotionally, is calmly tell him that his girlfriend was not on the STD, and is not invited due to financial constraints of the wedding and the small nature of the guest list? Or, do I avoid the drama and suck it up to let her come?
I’m so torn. Anyone else deal with this before?